How to Deal With Rude People (Stoic Guide)

Welcome to the Social Community Show, where our job is to help you learn, grow, and transform into the person you wanna become. For past episodes and links to everything we talk about, make sure you visit the social community.show. Tonight, we're talking about concrete expectations, winning the war from within. On this episode, we're gonna be talking about setting and keeping those expectations. Expectations, you say. What is that? A strong belief that something will happen or in or be the case in the future. This happens when 2 people knowingly and or unknowingly make a decision to commit to something.

I know. Yeah. It's kinda like expectations. It's like, are we talking about I guess you could possibly say were talking about commitments as well.

Yeah. I think they could fall into the same category, and I think definitely they're they're definitely, like, intermingled most of the times.

Right. It's like you say you're gonna be someplace or you Do something. Yeah. Make a commitment to do something. Right? Write a letter or Something of that nature.

Right.

And then for whatever reason, either that meeting doesn't happen or it does happen or that task doesn't happen. I guess maybe we can give an example for people to kind of have relayed to how the show is gonna be. Is that

Yeah. Tell us tell us a story. How how are you gonna go with this?

What kinda I was like, I don't I'm not gonna try to recall a personal story, but maybe we can just create something in general everybody can relate to. So, not gonna say what app, but people are on an app nowadays. Right? They both swipe right. And from there, you know, they get in contact with one another. He's just like alright? So, Basically, she's the one that initiates the contact. Right? She wants to go to her favorite restaurant, And the 2 of them pick a time that's convenient for her. You know what I mean? Like, when she's not working, on her day off, whatever the case may be.

Yeah.

So from there, right, you see that the expectation, right, is that 2 people are going to meet at a restaurant, right, within. And so the guy shows up, and he's waiting there. And, you know, he's he gets there early. Right?

Of course. Of course.

Of course. Right? He gets there early, so the time comes when she's supposed to be there. She's not there. And then from there, like, 15 minutes in, he's like, okay. I think I'm gonna wait a little bit longer.

15 minutes. I'm out, dude.

Look at this guy. He's like,

done. You for you for 15 minutes, bro. Sorry. You didn't message me. You didn't call me. Fuck you. I'm out of here.

Yeah. No message. No contact. Nothing. So Wow. The 15 minute marker, you know, Tyson's out of there. You know? He's just he's not that nice of a guy. I don't know.

I have a little bit more faith in people. But anyway, so 15 minute mark, right, he texts her or whatever. And then 30 minutes in, he's still there. No text. Text know nothing. Damn. Like, you know, I guess she's not gonna show up. So Yeah.

He's leaving. And about on On his way out, maybe, like, 35 minutes after they were supposed to meet Mhmm. He gets that text like, oh, sorry. I forgot that we're supposed to meet.

Oh, yeah. Me too. Who this?

You, like, text her back. Yeah. I forgot too. Who who is this? Who who this? It's so funny. Oh. Alright. And then, like so for whatever reason, right, like, that that happens. And So, you know, they, again, try to contact each other maybe a week later.

Mhmm.

Right? And then they're gonna repeat this whole situation, and the same result happens. Oh. Plays out the same exact way, same exact test message, same exact excuse.

Like What?

You're like, blocked? You know what I mean? And it's like, whew. Like, what what happen there. You know? It's like it's like I don't I don't know.

Those those are just all too common scenarios. I mean I mean, whether it's a date or business meetings or whatever, friends.

Those are true. You know what I mean? Like, whatever the case might be. Like, you know, it's not it's not We're just using that scenario so that Yeah. Relate to it because I think everybody's been either on one of those ends. Right? They're Either the person that's going to the meeting that doesn't show up or they've been the other person who's been at the meeting. I think everybody created it to that. You know? Yeah. It's just kinda like conquering that battle.

You know? It's like for people who, I guess, are gonna go to the meeting, but They don't show up. Mhmm. The person that's there setting the meeting, like, waiting for something to happen. You know? To Kinda got battles going in.

And then and then that that's so you gotta be, you know, be careful about, like, setting, you know, setting these expectations whether, you know, especially if it's not mutual with the other person. You you know, a lot of times I might give myself in trouble that to it. You know, with clients and and things that's like, you know, I I I have this expectation in my head, like, for you, and then I don't verbalize it. And then I'm mad at you because you didn't do what I thought of. Like, you know

Yeah. See, that's that's true too. Like, I think sometimes I mean, in this case scenario, like, it was clear that they wanted to meet up. Right. There are times when it's like, hey. Yeah. We should do lunch sometime or whatever, and then, like, the other person is just you know, the person saying that may to not know that they're, like, creating the expectation. Mhmm.

And I mean, like, hey, Tyce. Yeah. We should have lunch one time. And Oh,

yeah. Sounds great. We should actually have lunch. And the tomorrow, you text me. Hey. You ready for lunch? I'm I I didn't mean, like, right now.

Yeah. Yeah. Right?

If I if I give you that impression, then I'm sorry. Is. Like in episode 8, I think, I have calendar anorexia.

Calendar anorexia.

This lunch thing, that was us kinda me being nice.

Yeah. See, and that's kinda things too. Right? Like, sometimes it's just conversation. Yeah. We're, like, being nice, But sometimes there is an expectation on that or you know? And just kinda be mindful of that with people you're with. Like Yeah. Put that out there. Like, are you creating an expectation people with your conversation

Mhmm.

Or if you're on the receiving end of that. Right? Like, are you receiving an expectation from people when you necessarily may not tab order. They may not be trying to do that with you.

Right. And as you know, I guess how this topic came up for me was, I I don't know, maybe, like, I'll say, like, a year ago. I I kept, like, I kept noticing this pattern every time I would I would I would go to meet with the potential clients or or or current clients, and it's like, get, like, a text or email or something like an hour or so before. Like, hey. We're still on for today at 12. Right? I'm like, yeah. No shit. Like, why are you messaging me? Like, I didn't cancel.

You didn't cancel. What is this about? I I don't understand. So I I started asking, like, why did you message me before this meeting? Like like, oh, because, you know, I just wanted to confirm. I was like, yeah. But we already set this. Like, what's the problem? Like, do people not show up? The oh, yeah. All the time. It's like, what? They don't message or call you.

Oh, no. I just get stiffed all the time. I was like, wow. That's that's crazy.

Like What I mean, like, for people that don't show up, like, you know, people don't follow through with that. It's like sometimes there's a real reason why they're not there. You know? Yeah. Sometimes it's an unfortunate event. Like, you know, my mom's car broke down. I gotta go Right. Probably go help her real quick.

Yeah.

know what I mean?

Yeah. But then that's nothing but I mean, nowadays, it's so easy to shoot a text, a WhatsApp, whatever. You know what I mean? Like, real quick. Like, dude, whatever, sir, man, customer, whatever. Like, hey. You know, my mom just died or she's in the hospital. I just found out 3 minutes ago. I'm so, so sorry.

Can you please reschedule? I can't make it.

Yeah. But see, like, those are I I think that's good etiquette.

Yeah.

Being somebody who is into their commitment. Right? Like, you know what Expectation is of you. You're gonna commit to that expectation.

Yeah.

know, when you you know, if you carry yourself in that manner and you hold yourself to that standard, yeah, It's like something came up, and it's it's a genuine event that's unfortunate. I do want to still meet with you. However, The time that we agreed upon, I cannot meet with you.

Right.

You know, but I think that still kinda takes a little bit of character to to develop. There are some people who, you know, who might hesitate to throw that text because of, like, the image that they're gonna give off. You know? You know what I'm trying to say? Yeah.

But what what would you rather be? Somebody that doesn't no call no show or somebody that that's polite and courteous of not only not only, you know, your time personally as the person that's now has to cancel, the person's waiting for you. That's taking time out of their schedule to you know, a lot of times, you know, I'm I'm willing to to drive places here in the valley in Phoenix to meet with people to make it a little easier and to kinda to lower the barrier for them. You know, it's like, I'm driving half an hour one way out of my, you know, 20 minutes. You know, maybe sometimes even an hour.

For them, it's like a 5 minute walk to the coffee shop.

Right. Exactly. Or to to the meeting room or whatever we've set up, and it's like, you don't show up? Like, that's that's pretty fucked up.

Yeah. Yeah.

I made time in my schedule to go meet with you because you had 10,000 excuses on not wanting to come down to my office. So I said, okay. I'll meet you up where you're at. You know, is.

You know, again, I'm hopeful of stuff, and it's just like sometimes people just aren't aware that, like, there's an expectation on the other end, Or sometimes people just don't necessarily know how to handle that.

Right. You know?

I mean, because there's other times too when people I guess, You know, me is being the busy person that I am. Sometimes I schedule too many things or Yeah. You know, like, I have, like, all of these blocks of things that are scheduled. If one of my things gets pushed over, like, that, like, sets the rest of my schedule behind. You No. It's like I'm 5 minutes over on my 1st appointment during the day. Now I'm 5 minutes behind on every single you know? And then my next appointment, if I'm 5 minutes behind on that. Now I'm 10 minutes behind every single appointment behind that.

So you know what I mean? This is I think There should be some at least flexible. If you're the person that's showing up to the meeting or you're following through on the commitment, like, You got I you know, like, your your rule about 15 minutes, dude. Like Wow.

I don't know I don't know when or why I came up with that because I used to before, I would wait longer. And then it and then it became like you know, you're you're wasting a lot of my time now. So now I'm 30 minutes behind my schedule. And in plus, we still need our, whatever, 30, 45 hour. So now I'm even far farther behind me. So that and then when I used to, when I used to when I my last my actual job, I used to have I I would back my appointments up with with that that 15 minute grace in it. Okay. Bible time so that if you were running 15 minutes late, like and you met my threshold.

Alright. We could still have our whole meeting. Plus, I had travel time and into my next meeting.

Right. Know what

I'm saying? So I used to to back those in to my day.

So maybe that's

I know things happen. I mean, think you know, the other morning, I jumped I walked in my garage, you know, take my wife to work, jumped in a car, click. I'm like, yesterday, this thing worked just fine. Like, my car is, like, I got on these newer cars. It's either starts or doesn't. You know? So it's like, crap. Like, I never plan my battery died. I never had any inclination it was even low.

You know what I'm saying? So those things happen. You gotta, you know, you gotta I I pulled out of my neighborhood before and ran over a nail. You know? Yeah. I had time built into whatever where I was going, but now that time is gone. You know? So, I mean but at least I I yeah. These things happen, and I know people overschedule themselves, but you gotta have some type of, like,

Leeway. No. It's a that's

a Even even beyond that, you gotta have some kind of courtesy for other people's time and, like, for your reputation, your self respect. Say, listen. Like, hey. Listen. I've over scheduled myself today. Looking to move a couple things off my calendar. Can we reschedule this?

Right. And I I believe if you're truly genuine about that, the other person that's receiving that message is not gonna have a bad taste in their mouth. Right? Yeah. Like, you gotta understand that there is another person. Right? You created an expectation that you're gonna be somewhere and do something, and there's another person on the The end of that, that's expecting you to be there.

Right.

You know? So, like, take pride in that. Like, that person may have a 1,000,000 things that they gotta do too. Mhmm. You know? Yeah. To Kind of just imagine, like, that their time is important. They have things to do. And if you're not gonna hold up you know, if you're not gonna follow through with your expectation. You need to let them know that.

Yeah. Exactly. You gotta

that other person up.

Yeah. Especially that soon as you know that's gonna happen. That's the thing too. It's like, you knew about this for, like, days or or or a week or or more now. Like, why are you last minute texting you or emailing me? Like, come on, man.

Like Yeah.

And not too.

Yeah. And then sometimes it's it's just about, you know, some people again, you know, talking about our anorexia episode. Right? Well, some people just they either are just learning to you know, starting to master that realm. Mhmm. So they may not have a good grasp on time, but Yeah. Even if you don't, I think being truly honest with people and, you know, under letting them first know that you know there's an expectation to know you and then being honest enough to say, like, hey. I can't meet that expectation. I think that's a good start.

That that absolutely I mean, going back to, you know, a lot of things, truth, truth within yourself, truth towards other people telling the truth that those things you gotta practice. You know?

Yeah.

And then even even with that, like, what this thing you're telling me about about creating these habits like this, I don't know.

Dude, dude. Yeah. It's like You know, we are creatures of habit.

Right. Absolutely. Yeah.

Like, you think about, like, what you do in the morning where you wake up, you brush your teeth. Right? You know, women, you put on makeup. Men, you shave. Like, We're creatures of habit.

Yeah. Most of our behavior is all habits. It's all about

There's there's a lot of people out there that have the good habit upsetting that appointment. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. They just like, they get into that good habit. Yeah. I'm gonna set this appointment. I'm gonna do this thing. And, like, There's a lot of times when that's fine and that's good, but then, like, they have also have the bad habit of falling short of that point. Know what I'm saying?

That's create like, you cancel so often that your habit is now to cancel appointments. Yeah.

Show up. You know, have you not

thought about that? My brain. I cannot I can't wrap my head around. You create a habit to not not fulfill expectations that's been agreed upon. What the

Right? But, like, just just imagine, like you know what I mean? There are people who are stuck in that. Like, that's that's their habit. They have a habit of doing it.

And Yeah. Especially if the other person lets you off the hook all the time.

Right. I mean, you're you're you know, in this scenario before with the guy, team The guy is trying to be a gentleman. He's trying to be nice. He's like, okay. Something came up. You know what I mean? He's showing faith, and then let's do this again, and then, like, it happens again. And, like, you know what I mean? Like, if he's gonna be real about what's happening and he's not gonna value his time as a Person. Like, now he's allowing that woman to create this habit without any repercussions.

At at least, if not at not within her whole life, at least within their relationship. Like, listen. I know he's always flexible. He can always reschedule with that person. They'll always cater to me.

Yeah. And, like, again, like, you don't know when you're creating expectations with people. There's time like, dude, we just talked about. Yeah. Hey. You wanna to lunch? Yeah. Yeah. That's good.

Let's just have lunch. Like, I didn't you know, you didn't wanna make that commitment, but I as Right.

Being the

person I am would be like, hey, Tyson, where are we at for lunch? Like, you're like, oh, wait a minute. I didn't clarify that.

You know? Yeah. I didn't mean tomorrow or today.

It's the same thing about this thing. Like, you know, you get into this relationship or friendship ship or even with your family members of, hey. We're gonna go do something, and then, like, something happens. And that

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sounds good.

Family members just trying to be good about it, but, like, you know, you gotta be careful what it is you're teaching other people to do. You gotta be careful of what it is you're training other people to be okay with.

Yeah.

know? Like and you gotta be aware. Like, you know, those are the things. Right? Like, you gotta keep in touch with things. It's hard, man.

Mhmm. Like, you

talk about the the elephant on the string. Right? Like, you know, Technology. Right?

Yeah. Tangle horse to a chair or whatever. Yeah.

Yes. Like, you start from when they're young. Right? When they're a baby elephant and they can't, You know, they can't break the rope as a baby elephant. Like, you tie them up with a rope.

Right.

if you keep them on that rope, like, over time, You know? Like, as they're a big, big old elephant, you can't break that rope. Or as a as a adult horse, you can't move a chair. Like, you just you know, it's up here. To submit.

And you gotta be careful of. A lot of these things are self, you know, self limiting beliefs. Right?

Like Yeah.

Once upon a time, I couldn't break this rope. So, therefore, from here on out, I could never break this rope whether you've tested it a 2nd time or not. Yeah.

Yeah. You that just that just becomes the the real thing. You know? And then talking about habits, like, Let's just talk about fear too. Fear is another habit.

Yeah.

You know, it's like some people truly, genuinely, like, on that date, maybe she truly, genuinely wanted to go meet that guy. Mhmm. But, again, something happens, like her fear, right, her insecurity of herself. Yeah. Maybe this is a pattern within her. Like, maybe maybe this guy is not really gonna like me if I show up. Mhmm. Oh, maybe that's the pattern going on in her life to situation.

Every time she shows up to something, the guy doesn't like her. So mean you know what I mean? Like, there's a lot of things that could be happening.

Hey. I I've I've experienced that, like, you know, with, you know, yo, Tyson, can you come do this or meet meet whatever? And it's like, dang. Like, this is this is, like, outside like, just on the tip of my like, where I feel comfortable. Like, well, what if I don't what if I don't live up to the hype? What if I don't perform? What if But if I don't know everything I think I do or they think I do, like

Exactly.

But I me, personally, I I'll either suck it up and and make that appointment or I won't make that appointment until I feel, like, maybe a little bit just a little bit more you know, maybe push it out a little bit more instead of maybe meeting this Thursday. Like, let's meet next Thursday so give myself a little bit more time to feel more confident. But Right.

But, I mean, at least you take that proactive approach to set the expectation. Right?

Right. You know? Yeah. Because once I mean, when I set an expectation, I I mean, I'm I'm I'm a I'm a chronically late kinda guy. Like, you know what I mean? And and and I know that, and I try to work on that. But, you know, with me, it's like, I figured I got 5 minutes. I could I can do some stuff right now. I start 5 minutes. Instead of saying I should pick up and leave.

So, you know, I I do you know, I am late sometimes. So when I like to say I'm gonna be somewhere, I like to try my best to do that. You know, make that you know, if I wanna make that commitment, I'm gonna I'm gonna be there even if I'm a few minutes late. But I'll still text you or say, hey. Listen. Sorry. I'm running 5 behind or some you know?

But see, that's the thing, though. Right? You gotta openly communicate. Yeah. And you have to openly make sure you're redefining that expectation.

Mhmm.

So, yeah, it's it's it's interesting. You know? I mean, there's just, like, a ton of factors Yeah. You know, And now that I'm thinking about it, I was like, maybe that girl, like, she was going to see the number 2 guy, and the number 1 guy called her on the way over there. You know?

That's what

I'm saying?

You were the really the one I wanted to date. But even I get that. Like, that happens.

Done.

Man, suck it up and and, like, be do the right thing and fucking just shoot a text. It's like, dude, sorry. Fuck you. I'm canceling. Like to

Yeah.

Whatever.

I'm sorry.

Person came along and, really didn't want you to, you know, whatever.

Yeah. But you can't to text somebody that. Like, now you're gonna just now that number 2 that kinda thick. You're not gonna be there. You know what I'm saying? Right.

Hey. Sorry. I had a backup plan, and you were it.

I mean, hey. If I meet a girl like that, I'll be like, alright. That's cool. She's honest, dude. She's legit.

Right. Right. That might be something to pursue. Like, hey. Wait a minute here. I like dishonesty here. You you follow group rule 8 pretty well.

Right. Like but, I mean, it's just a different like, that's a different approach. Right? That's what makes that Yeah. You know? But, like, in that situation, you know, it might be best to not say anything and just kinda leave it or leave some lame excuse. But Yeah. You gotta mentally also be aware of yourself. If you're the girl in that situation, you know, that's not making it to the date because you have something better came along. Hey.

Good job. You know what I mean? You you got what you actually wanted. You had a backup plan. Mhmm. You know, how you gotta be careful of how you're projecting yourself.

Right.

Because back in the back of the mind, you're like, yeah. I'm making my commitment to meet with the 1st person.

Mhmm.

But on the back And you're also psychologically telling yourself it's okay to not meet other people's expectations, and you're mentally you're telling your to that it's okay to be a flake. So you, you know, you gotta find the balance in that and be careful. You know? You don't want

good stuff. Like, I yeah. Because even even let's with that scenario. Like, alright. I'm gonna I'm gonna set up 2 plans with 2 dates. Right. And if they both go through, I can always cancel the one I didn't really want. You're that's gonna start to become your habit like you were saying.

That'll be like, this is my habit. Like, I'm the I'm the person that sets 2, 3 plans in motion, and the best one I keep and the rest I throw to the side.

Right. And that makes good business sense. Like, doing that in business makes a lot of sense.

Yeah. It could. Right.

However, like, you also have to be aware that there's a negative to that. Yeah. Whatever reason, you have, You know, you're telling yourself that it's okay to be a flake. You're telling yourself it's okay to not honor your commitments. Like, those are Those are, I I wouldn't say fatal character flaws, but those are flaws that are, you know, somewhat unwanting of of a a person.

They could catch up to you. You could start to, you know, yeah, run the reputation of somebody that flakes a lot. And, oh, don't don't don't do business with that person, or don't don't don't don't date her. She always flakes on me. Like Yeah. He always flakes on me. Whatever. Yeah.

Right.

And it's like, okay. You got the number one thing. But if that number 1 person or that business opportunity doesn't work out, now you have to start searching, team, but you create this reputation for yourself over time.

Right.

You know what I mean? Like, you can do that every now and then, But at the same time, you know, just try not to make it a bad habit. Yeah. Try not to make that who you are.

Yeah. You know, the other thing I hear too is, like, well, I had a good excuse. Say, that just sounds like a lie you're telling yourself right there. You know what I mean?

You know, there are some people who are good at creating excuses, you know, and, like but after a while, like, so many creative excuses, like, you, you know, you see through that.

Right. To still a bunch of lies. It's not true.

You know? Like, it's like, man. It's like, how many how many family members does this guy have?

How many tires do you have. Like, there's a lot of flat tires.

Every time you get a flat tire. Right? Or every time you're going to your uncle's funeral, like, how many uncles do you have?

How tell me this is the 4th grandfather this year that has died. I don't know your family structure, but this seems a little odd.

You know? But, I mean, In in any case, you know, I think what what it comes down to, right, trying to conquer that expectation is Just make sure that you clarify what it is. Yeah. You're making commitment to somebody. Right? If you're setting an expectation for somebody, hold up your end of the bargain. And if and if you're not, then you kind of be aware of that. And, you know, yeah, you can make an excuse, but be genuine about it. Like, make it Make it something that's that's real and that's fair, and make sure that you're not doing the same one over and over and over again if it's an excuse.

Yeah. Especially, you know, even even if it's eve even if it's like, listen, man. I overscheduled myself today. I overcommitted to things. Though those are real, and they'll come off better than, you know, I got a flat tire. Oh, I forgot or whatever. Like, be real about this. Be honest with not just the person but yourself.

Why have you done this? Be honest with them. Those are those are I'm not a big fan of excuses, but those are the ones that at least meaningful.

Yeah. For sure.

And you can start to start an honest relationship with yourself and the other people that you're interacting with.

Yeah. And and that's kinda too. Right? I mean, this is this is show is always about awareness. Like, being aware of, like, what's going on within you. Like, you know, so So many people think that the answers are outside of yourself, but it starts from within you.

It does. And there,

it can, like, project onto other people. You know? And, like, even for the person who is following through and they're sitting there at the table, you know what I mean, waiting for that person to show up. Like, you know, we talked about bad habits. Like, you gotta be aware that if you're allowing this person to do that, Like, you're trying to start you know, you may be starting a bad habit within them. You know?

What what about let's talk about those people you know, I know we we kinda broke this up into 2 segments, I guess, whatever. What about the people that are are fulfilling these expectations that are on the other side of this?

Well, you know, I don't really necessarily agree with the 15 minute rule, but, depends on the depends on the circumstance. I definite

if if we're talking you know, you haven't messaged me and you're not you're running late or something like that, time is the only thing in this world that we cannot get back. We can all make more money. We can all do other things, but time is not something we get back, and I don't I don't treat that delightly.

I I I you know, we can agree to disagree on this.

Yeah. Absolutely. That's my hard and fast rule. 1 run 30.

You know? Hey. For those people out there who are you know, know that their time is important and of value Mhmm. And if They know that the other person is not respecting that or reciprocating that, then, yeah, maybe that relationship should cease to exist. To Yeah. 15 minutes of time is more or less just a lesson. Like, look. You can't do this to me. Yeah.

I'm a person. I showed up. I'm worth something. You don't you don't see that value in me, that's your fault. You know what I mean? Like, to You know, you can take it and have that approach, but you also you know, just just be humble about it too. Right? You have this quote in here. Right? What is it? Yeah. We can't go around holding other people to the standards that we hold ourself to.

We try if we try that today, will be disappointed. And if we try enough days, eventually, we're gonna become bitter, angry, and hateful. Like, I I can relate to that. You know? It's like I got into this funk maybe last month that was just, You know, I was holding people to a higher standard because I believed in them, and I wanted more for them. However, You know, if people fall short of that, like, that's me putting an unrealistic expectation on somebody else. Right? We just spoke about that earlier. And it's like those people are always gonna fall short of your expectation if your expectation is up here. You know? Yeah.

I'd say if you're gonna have high expectations, you can start by having high expectations for yourself.

it ends with you.

But, yeah, you you gotta cut that short. You gotta understand that, you know, people most people, they're not malicious.

No. I don't think thing's over here.

The girl that didn't show up to that date, like, she's not malicious. She's not intentionally, You know, trying to stab you in the back or slap you or teach you a lesson. Like Yeah. It's mostly gonna be about that other person. Right.

Tight. Absolutely. I agree. More often than not, I think that's true.

You know what I mean? Like, we talked about that. Either she's got developed bad habits. Maybe she did find her number 1 guy, text her, and, you know, and cockblock to you, whatever the case is gonna be. Right? Maybe there was Some unfortunate event. You know? Maybe she's, like, 51st dates. Maybe she really did forget. You know?

You know, that's the thing. You know? Especially when somebody you care about, you're like, man, ransom is usually not the kind of guy that don't text me. He's running late late. And then your mind starts to wander. Right? Like, is he okay? Did something happen? Did you get in an accident? Did you sleep in the tub? Like, And you just start going on this mind thing. Yeah. We don't

need to go that far down the rabbit hole, but just

Sometimes I do.

Yeah. And sometimes I do too, but just kinda stop yourself and be like, Okay. Like, this is a human person. Right? You have to understand that there's a human element to it. Like, I mean, for whatever reason, they're they're gonna fall short of that expectation. Like, don't don't take that as a negative thing. You know? Let them do their thing. Right.

Let them do their thing that's outside of your control. Right? We had another one of these quotes here. It's like, we just need to make sure we're not demanding of other people, what they can never give Yeah. And that we don't allow ourselves to be upset or hurt by anything outside of our control. You know? It's like, yeah. Okay. You learned something about that person and that they don't show up, But, you know, don't make that the impression of who they really are. Like, you know what I mean? Don't allow them, and don't take it personally Mhmm.

That they're sitting there trying to hurt you and all that kind of stuff. Like Yeah. You know, keep the positive vibes. Like, keep it good. Know that people are human.

Yeah. Absolutely.

Well, no. They're gonna fall short of your expectation sometimes, and that's okay.

Yeah. You know, I got a quick story. I don't know. A few months ago, something like that. I had a potential client I was gonna meet with. And for for whatever reason, they, Later on, they had told me, oh my god. They were so sorry. They had they had totally kind of forgot they forgot to whatever was put in their calendar or something like that or whatever.

And so I'm I'm sitting at the the meeting place, and I'm and I'm waiting, you know, in my 15 minutes. So I get up and I go. And I'm like, okay. I'm already you know, I'm I was out in downtown Phoenix, and I was like, okay. I can I can do 2 things right now? I can be pissed off that I didn't hear from this person, or I can do something, you know, while I'm here downtown. There's something in downtown I wanted to do, but I didn't wanna drive to town to do. So I sat for a second. I was like, oh, you know what? There's this Japanese garden I've always wanted to go to for a few years now.

I'm like, how far is that? You wouldn't believe it was around the corner.

Nice. I

was like, you gotta be kidding me. It's around the so I went, man, that wound up becoming a great day. I spent a few hours there, and I walked around. I fed the koi, and I just enjoyed the garden. I enjoyed being decide. I was like, you know, I really I kinda really could use I've used this walk. I sat in the sun for a while. I walked around.

I talked to

a bunch of people. So, you

know, you always have a choice, like, how you're gonna react to the situation. Yeah.

You know, that kinda, like, brings me up, like, the whole thing about, like, serendipity and Mhmm. You know, this thing about chance and, like, there are no accidents. Like Right. Sometimes that event wasn't meant to happen. You know? Mhmm. It's like, to that guy who's on the date at their whatever, she doesn't show up. But, like, who knows? Like, walking out, you might see somebody else and be like, hey. I know.

Did you get stood up as well?

No. No. But, see, this reminds me of this other I think the movie is called. What is that movie called? I think it's called man up or something like that. But, anyway so, like, that movie is about a blind date. So this this, This girl is on a train, and, like, the girl across from her on the train is, like, trying to help her out and, like, be like, oh, you know, you need to do all these things. This is this great book. Whatever.

You should read this book to better your life. And this girl is, like, not trying to hear it right now or whatever. She's like, oh, this lady's so positive. Whatever. And then I'm like and And so, anyway, so what ends up happening is, you know, the train stops, whatever. The lady with the book gets off the train Mhmm. But she her book. Oh.

And so, like, the this lady's like, she left her book. Whatever. So, like, she's grabbing all of it.

Book. Your book. Your book. Yeah. Yeah.

So she grabs a book and, like, she runs off the train, like, trying to find this girl. Like, she's running through the train station, whatever, and then, like, she can't to find this girl to, like, give her her book back. And then it just so happens that she's standing in this place, and this guy walks up to her, and he's like, hey. I I see you have the book.

Oh, I think I seen this movie.

Yeah. He's like, you're here under the sign. You made it. Right? And, like, she's

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I know what you're talking about. I did this movie, like,

he had set up

a date with somebody with I'm gonna hold the book, and you're gonna have the book. We're gonna meet him at the sign at 12 or whatever.

Exactly.

Yeah.

They need each other. Right? And she's at first, she's like, oh my god. This is supposed to be the other girl that's supposed to go on this. Right?

Yeah.

I'm here. I have the book and whatever. So she whatever whatever it is, she takes it upon herself to go on the date, and, like, That movie's like crazy.

Like Yeah. I've seen that. I think it's called serendipity or something like that.

No. Oh, no. Serendipity. I think it's called man up. Man up is probably the we'll we'll we'll we'll research it.

Yeah. We'll link to that. I'll make sure I note that down.

But, see, like, those are the kind of things too is, like, sometimes you gotta understand that I mean, maybe if you're on a date, like, that's not gonna happen. Stand. But sometimes you need to think about, you know, what's going on. Sometimes this is a moment for you to identify something within yourself Or like Tyson said, take this time. You blocked off time to do something. Yeah. You're not going on a date. Yep.

Why don't you take this time to go do something that you truly wanted to do that you didn't have time for?

Yep. It's awesome. And that reminds me of, like, this this this quote from, Bob Proctor. He says, if you react to something, you lose control. If you respond, you're in control.

Yeah. Like, you don't you don't want to be there and, like, always be in reaction to things Right. As they happen. Yeah. More or less if you kind of go out and have a mindset that things are gonna be positive, that there's something else that you can do, that things happen for a reason. You know, it just it just kinda depends. And even even when being late to something, like, just yesterday, I was on my way to work, and my mom called, and she I need you to do something. You know what I mean? I'm like in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, okay.

I'm gonna help her. I'm gonna be late to work. Yeah. And And then, like, I was like, okay. I'm gonna go help her. But, you know, I just had this negative attitude. And so, like, as I'm going to her house, I'm hitting Every single red light, dude. It's like it's making me even more late, and I'm like, oh, red tight, and then, like, get to the next one.

And I'm like, red light. And I'm like you know, that's when my mind starts to turn, and I I started thinking. I said, you know what? I think these red lights are happening for a reason, and I I took it upon myself to be like, you know, right now, I'm in a negative mind frame. I'm in a negative state of mind because late for work. So I need to stop thinking about that and just think positive. That's what these red lights are really for. You're not here to make me late for work.

Stop and think.

Go here to remind me that I'm not in the right mindset to go help somebody. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm I'm to to help somebody, but I'm so angry inside right now that I'm that I'm late to work, that I'm not really going there to help them.

Wow. Yeah. You're going out fight revenge. It's like, fuck whatever you call it. I got whatever.

Exactly. So I

just Dang.

I took that as a sign, and I was like, look. Okay. I get you. You know what I mean? I look up, and I say, okay, universe. I hear

you. I hear what you're trying

to tell me. You're right. I gotta get my mind right, and guess what? The lights turned green, dude, and I went straight to the house without a red light after that.

Yeah. Dude, that's so crazy.

Well, you know what I'm saying? Like, you gotta You gotta get in the moment. You gotta get into the perception of things. And sure enough, when I went to go help my mom, we had a good conversation. You know what I mean? I was just tactful about how I did it. I said, mom, you know, I'm sorry. I you you I know you wanna talk, but I I really have to get to work. I'm I'm late right now, and they you know what I mean? I just I had the right I had the right frame of mind while I was there. I did that.

I didn't I wasn't angry. I didn't make her angry or upset at me. You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Did her thing, and I went to work. And I I was late, but you know what? It was okay.

Right.

So you know? I mean

That's a great story. I love that. That was nice.

You know what I mean? But it's just like you know, it's your perception of things. Like, your mind. Like, it starts from here. It starts all from within here. So if you're the person out there and, you know, you're at this thing and you're showing up and people aren't showing up, like, don't take that as a negative thing. Take this as an opportunity for you to be a better person. Take this as an opportunity to, you know, maybe talk to that person and be like, hey. Look.

I know you didn't show up twice in a row, You know? But I watched this I watched this social, chameleon episode, you know, and they they kinda mentioned things like, hey. You know? Like, do you we have a bad habit, or is there something I can help you with? Like you know what I mean?

Is your plate a little too full? Can we should we push this back?

Yeah. Is there a better way that I can help, you know, help this us me? Like, is there something am I putting up is it maybe it's me. Like, am I too intimidating that you don't wanna meet me. Like Yeah. I mean, there's there's all kinds of ways that you can do that. All kinds of ways you can do that. And and,

you know, that and that reminds me of one of my, my favorite quotes from, Marcus Aurelius. He says that something, I guess, according to his journaling, he wake woke up every morning as the emperor of Rome and said, you you know, today, I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna find people that are gonna be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, generous, and so on. And, I mean, and it's like, you know, we are gonna every day, we're gonna we're gonna come across that dumbass, that rude person. They're gonna like, If you know that, like, walk walking into your day, like, you can just let that go. Like, yep. There's one of those people I thought about already. I knew you were here. I knew you're alright.

Okay.

Be in the action. Right?

Yeah. Exactly. I mean, that's what I think about too. Like, you know, when driving or whatever and line the grocery store, and it's like, you know, that person that just wants their harping cut in front of you. I'm obviously, you're in a hurry. Go right ahead.

Yeah. Cool, man. All good? I also I forget who told me it, but there's only there's only really 10 bad people in the world. Yeah. You rarely you rarely see them all at the same time. You know what I mean? Like right? You know what I'm trying to say?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

To Like, you you'll see 1. You might see 2 or 3 in a day. Right. But, you know, other than that, like, that's it, man. Check your quota off for the day. You met 3 bad people. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh.

I just I always thought that was just a good way to just frame frame things like yeah. Yeah. Here's here's that arrogant person. I knew I was gonna see you today. Like, it's it's statistically probable.

Definitely. Definitely.

I like that.

And then just on that note, I just I I kinda wanna hit on that because we're talking about bad people. Like, if you're the guy that's in that scenario and that girl that's showing up is actually a toxic person. Like, she's very negative. Like, she has all of these things that you don't want in your life. Like, it wasn't just you know, if the scenario played out and it wasn't just an unfortunate event or whatever, it and, you know, she ends up having these bad habits in life She's a toxic person. Like, that's kinda when you need to set barriers.

Yep. You know what

I mean? Like, this person is constantly not showing up. To And when they do show up, they constantly have a bad attitude. You know, they're constantly complaining about things, talking about all the drama in life. Like, when you show up, like, These kinds of people, yes, you we want to help them. We wanna be a part of their life, but sometimes you just have to set that healthy barrier, right, and just kinda be like, Hey. I can help you from a distance. Or you know what? I know you wanna go meet for lunch, but why don't we just have a phone call instead? You know what I mean? Like, You you wanna set up a boundary. And then for some people, if they're so toxic, sometimes you just gotta cut them out.

I agree. Absolutely. That's a good that's a good point.

You know,

that's not gonna you're gonna wind up, you know, pushing that off too, and that's gonna you're gonna absorb some of that, and you're gonna go out the rest of your day, you're gonna come home, and your kids are gonna say something, and you're gonna to take that out of them or your spouse or whatever. Yeah. That that's a good that's a good one. Keep those boundaries. Set those boundaries.

Right. And, you know, and just kinda remember, like and it goes the opposite way too. Right? If the person you're going to meet, if that's the reason that the girl didn't show up because this guy is actually toxic, like, you know, you gotta pay attention to that. Like, if if you never wanted to be there in the 1st place, like, you shouldn't have set that expectation for that matter. Even though they're toxic or whatever the case might be, like, don't sit there and just give in to them every time they say something. You know? It's like they're Oh, yeah. We're gonna go lunch, and, you know, you just have this habit and you wanna be a good person. You'd be like, okay.

Yeah. We're gonna go to lunch. But then, like, every time you make up some lame excuse not to be there, like, you know I mean, granted, there are some situations that are either abusive or something like that, you need outside help. Right. You know what I mean? Those situations are very real. If you need outside help to set that barrier, go take outside help. Absolutely. But for most people, it's just kinda like, you know, I really don't like that guy, and, you know, he always invites me to lunch, and I just say yes because Because I'm trying to be nice.

Right. Like, stop being nice. You can you can firmly stand your ground and be like, you know, I'm I I'm not really gonna go to lunch with you, you know, or, you know, for whatever reason. It's like, I don't I don't really enjoy having lunch with you.

Yeah. You know?

And you can do things and say things and stand your ground without being offensive to them. You know? Just Yeah. Maybe don't even give a reason. Just be like, no. I'm I'm not gonna have lunch with you and just repeat that over and over and just say, no. I'm not gonna have lunch with you. Like, oh, why? Why? Why didn't you wanna, like no. There's no reason.

I just I just don't wanna go up to speed.

I don't wanna yeah. And I think in the long run, that's actually the nicer thing to do is just like, no. And stops. Start setting those things. And then you're starting to build that good habit of I'm not over scheduling myself. I'm not overloading my plate. I'm not setting false expectations of people of me.

Yeah. It's just like because, you know, if you're doing that type of pattern, right, like you said, you're getting into a bad habit. You're teaching people that you're an unreliable person.

Right.

You know? And, like, if that's the kind of person that you wanna be, somebody who's unreliable, somebody not gonna show up. Then continue on what you're doing.

Keep doing you.

Keep doing you. People will see it, and then that's that's what it is. Yeah. So That's good, man. We're coming up here to a closing here. We got a closing statement.

I guess the last thing on on on this topic we had we come with with was the only expectation worth holding is that you take advantage of opportunities to act in accordance with your own values and principles. You should you should expect to leverage your own resourcefulness and resilience to better yourself regardless of current circumstances or obstacles. To create your own momentum.

It's good, man. Yeah. It's a cool turn, aren't you?

Absolutely. And as always, I love my giveaways. Just I just got done. I was it, I think it was Sunday. I sent out last week's winner. It just feels so good to, like, I'm also excited, like, to send the books and send the coins out. I was just I was so thrilled. If you wanna have that feeling and have me have that feeling again, to enter in to this month's contest.

It is Gary v's crushing it and episodes fifteen's book, 12 rules of life.

Nice.

over to the social chameleons.show/pick me, and you enter so so we can share that feeling again of giving and getting.

Nice.

And then book recommendations for this episode, I couldn't I couldn't think of a whole lot. I mean, these are kinda one of those topics where they sprinkled throughout a lot of things.

Yeah. Kinda like hidden hidden gems within both.

Yeah. But where I initially kinda, started learning about about this and and and being more mindful of, not only the expectations I set for myself and for the world and others and and all these things. I picked these up from the daily stoic. Surprisingly, 2000 years ago, they had this problem in Rome and all these these places. You know, the emperor like I said, the emperor of Rome, Marcus Aurelius, apparently had this problem with expectations.

Yeah, man.

Very interesting. And in another book while I was getting into this topic was and I kept hearing about this, like, this this resiliency and this flexibility and kind of thing. So the book that popped in my head was antifragile. And I've read this book a few times. Maybe something to, you guys can can pick up and and understand more about, about being becoming antifragile and you even learning what that word really means.

Yeah. That's good. Alright. So challenge. K. The show is always about awareness. So your challenge this week is to to become aware. Right? For people who follow through, you gotta be careful of what you're teaching and training the other is to do.

K? Are you allowing them to fail, or are you being a doormat? Yeah. Pay attention. K. For people who don't follow through, right, try to find the real reason why you're not following through. Right. Do you truly wanna engage, right, in these commitments that you're making? K? Are there that are keeping you from following through, you know, or are you just stuck in a bad habit? You got a you got a good habit of making something appointment, and you got a bad habit of not making it a point. You know? Identify these things. You have to identify them, For sure.

Mhmm.

And in closing, challenge yourself to develop the skills and abilities to thrive in any situation. That's the point of this show.

Yeah.

Understand what you can control and what you can't. Set the expectations of yourself to hide and leave the rest to others.

Yeah. Can't control other people. It's out your control.

I don't know. And in closing, in between shows, you guys can connect with us on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, your favorite podcast app, Google Home, whatever, however you wanna do it at the Social Chameleon Show. Check us out on Patreon if you'd like. If you're listening to the, podcast version, if you would go ahead and like, you know, share, and subscribe. Leaving a review really helps our show reach reach more people just like your folks. And as always, for past episodes and links to everything we've talked about here tonight, you can visit the social 120| Financial Literacy: The Costly Mistake Everyone Makes with Rich Dad Poor Dad (Book Review) 119| Self-Sabotage: How to Rewire Childhood Beliefs for Lasting Change (with Michael Wood) 118| Resilience Strategies: How to Stay Positive When Life Gets Hard (with Bob Violino) 117| Mindset Frameworks: Why Being "Right" Is Holding You Back (from Derek Sivers) 116| How I Tricked Everyone (Even Myself) Into Thinking I Could Read 115| How to Rewire Your Brain for Resilience with Mitch Weisburgh 1 2 3 … 20 Next » Load More Connect On Social This podcast is available on… You can listen to all our episodes on Apple Podcasts , Spotify , Overcast , Pocket Casts , Castbox , YouTube Music , Amazon Music , Audible , Substack, or your favorite podcast platform .