Deliberate Evolution: A Conversation with Dan Capello on Personal Growth and Success

Welcome to the social community show. It's our goal to help you learn, grow, and transform into you wanna become. Today, I'm talking with Dan Capello. Dan went from burnout and over 300 lbs. because he wasn't eating and living right, to run his fur to running his first Spartan race and realizing that his family deserved more from him. What he was doing for a living was killing him. Ironically, he's a chef. Because he didn't make because he did not handle distress appropriately. Dan was nourishing others but not himself. Now Dan helps leaders and professionals regain control over the professional life that has suffered because of because of a successful but busy career. now armed with tools to live their best light best and deliberate light for the family and community. Like Dan says, a balanced and successful life translate into a more productive and impactful professional career. Dan's got a book coming out. It's kinda why we got in here. I'll link to that and show us deliberate evolution. We talk about a a bit about being deliberate and what that kinda means and different things about being deliberate. We talk about his journey, there's weight loss and kinda how that happened and why that spurred. What got him to be heavy, which was which was trauma. He talks he talks about that as of him to open up and share about that. I know that's tough, but that's also part of of of the journey and of healing is being able to talk about these difficult things, which is what got him to be heavy to use food and alcohol and things as his medicine per se to help him, you know, with that stresses up. We talk about wide wide range of things. It was really a great conversation, really enlighten conversation. He's got a lot of insights. He's been through a lot of stuff. And and and with that, there's a lot to to learn you know, I think sharing the trauma and being open and honest with these things that are part of the the mental health problems we're having. A lot of this stems from from the trauma. And then maybe not it's not okay or whatnot, to to talk about these different things and to talk about the trauma, and people like Dan out there making this stuff better facilitating these these conversations and different things. I think there's a lot going on here, and I hope you guys really enjoy my conversation with Dan Capello. Welcome to the show. So great to connect. And get to know more about your story. I, you know, read a little bit about your stuff, and they get a book coming out. I know we'll talk about those different things. Real quickly, I feel we get into it. I kinda related to some of your story, and I kinda would share real quick. Something I never really talked about, but I think it with your story, makes me kinda wanna share a little bit. I know, for me, Seemingly back in 2018 as well. I don't know what's going on in the water back then, but I also realized I was getting kind of kind of fat kinda heavy. I didn't really think about it. I didn't really notice And I came back from vacation, and I was like, man, I tried to I I went to the store, and I was getting I wanted a new shirt or something. And I grabbed and I was like, I have put on a 2 x, and I was like, This doesn't fit anymore. And I I was like and I but that was the only moment I really realized. I was like, man, I'm getting kinda fat. And I was always an athlete and stuff and mediocre at best, and and stuff. So I never really thought much about my weight and stuff like that. And long story, not so long. I wanna dropping £50 in 20 19, and, you know, and and I started feeling good. I said, man, I really didn't realize how heavy I was. And so I noticed something happened to you. I was wondering, you know, what was a catalyst with you that made you kinda start to look at yourself and say, hey. Wait a minute. I'm getting a little too heavy, and things aren't going quite my way. Well, I mean, it was really is that that picture that I sent to you -- Yeah. -- was at a wedding in August at my best friends who went to

and took the picture, and I got back. And I'm like, looking at it, and it's like, holy moly.

Yeah. That guy's huge, and it's like, no, you're that guy. Yeah. And -- And I'll create a picture in the show notes with you guys. It's a really great transformation side by side of what you worked, to what you became, running that Spartan race, and whatnot. So it's just it was just that picture that just made you say, wait a minute. I gotta look at something going on here. Well but a lot of it was burnout too because, I mean, as professional chef,

You know, I've done this at high end country clubs for 30 years. Mhmm. And, you know, it's like burnout's almost like a badge of honor. It's like, everybody's like, yeah. I had to work 60 hours this week. Oh, it's like, oh, you're part time. So Yeah. You know? And and that's, you know, it's kinda funny, but it's really not funny at all. And, you know, nobody it's like, you know, you get beat up and people fall to the side because they can't you know, they don't wanna do the hours, and then we're like, what do you mean? You only wanna work, you know, 5 days a week, 8 hours a day. What's what are you doing? Yeah. Yeah. And it was you know, it took a toll on my family, you know, because I was and really I didn't really realize the self medication was from the early trauma that I had had totally, like, you know, it happened when I was at 6, and you block all that out. And then, also, you know, I I got beat a lot because I was a little shit. But Yeah. With 6 kids, my mom took care of us. But, you know, it is what it is. You know, we all have have problems, but you know, I had anger issues, and and, you know, my health was going bad. The doctor's like, you know, hey, you know, we want you to put you on these medications. I'm like, you know, now, man. And then and this actually was I read David Goggins. Oh, yeah. -- this came out right then. And I I read it, and he's like, who does this stuff? You know? And I was like I was like, I wanna roast Spartanrice, and it's like, who does this stuff? Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's it it was kind of you know, that was kind of like a call, but I, like, kinda resonated with what he was going through because He came through a very abusive background growing up. And the same thing, and, you know, he got overweight. You know, I was in the air force. And and I got out, and it wasn't so bad, but then slowly the years of being a chef, as you get older, you just put on more weight. Mhmm. because you're always around food, and so that was that moment. And I said, you know what? I I I gotta do this, or it's not gonna work anymore. So That's a that was a catalyst. And and then it was like you know, because I had a cell surgery before. So both my both my knees were jacked up. So, I mean, it was rough. You know, I had to quit like a month of walking at the park and doing all that. So it was really But, you know, each time, you know, get off a month, and it was like I lost 2 weeks, and then I lost 1 week. And so it got better and better. And Finally, I ran that Spartan race, and that was, like, very surreal. That moment there, when I'm jumping over at my sister was like, what what's wrong? Are you okay? because I was having that's what I was picturing. Like, Goggin was saying, you know, you picture that. Picture what you what you wanna do. Where you wanna be, and I was jumping over that. And that was that whole thing that whole time was I was pitching myself jumping over that fire like the other people. Mhmm. And when it happened, it was, like, all that just, you know, adorffins and dopamine and everything. It's just like you got that rush. It was really wild.

So And you did that with 1 ACL to ACL reconstructions? Well, I had 1. I I've staffed one of them,

and I wouldn't take a cadaver. Okay. So or any other parts. So they actually tore up one the other knee -- Mhmm. -- to to put it in there and actually went to sports doctor that said, okay. We're gonna do this. We're gonna get you back. In 6 weeks, you're gonna be walking without anything. And -- Mhmm. -- you know, he did that. toward what knee up. He goes, you know, if we're gonna rehabilitate 1, let's just rehabilitate 2. I was like, okay. Sure. But, I mean, you know, I got out of the surgery, I woke up, but he's like, alright, we're gonna get up. We're gonna go walking. I'm like, what? I had no breaks. I'm like, nothing. He's like, no, we're gonna walk in. It's like, this is what we do.

So -- Yeah. It's a whole lot different than it used to be before. It was, like, stay in bed for weeks and stay there. Now it's, like, get up and go. I have a spreadsheet Tore, ACL, and an accident. And and same thing. She's like, wait a minute. Like you know? But I guess they say if you don't get moving, then that really hinders your recovery. So Right. Well, most of the other doctors I went to 2 other ones, and they were like, you're gonna be 6 weeks in a brace, you know, in bed and and

we're gonna have to put these screws in your leg and all this to attach it, and we wanna use cadavers, and I'm like, no cadavers, no screws. And the doctor that I went to said there was not gonna be any screws, but well, I ended up with a bloody screw in my knee.

You know? Does it bother you?

No. It's just I can't have MRIs. Oh, okay. It'll rip it out. It's probably easy to go through TSA though now. Right? pass right around the side. Well, they're not didn't even I I asked him. He's like, he, like, wave the thing over it, and it's like, yeah, I can't tell. Oh, okay. So I think it's titanium. So I don't know.

Okay? Did did did those did that ACL did did that set you back at all, or did it kinda give you motivation to keep going? What Well, that was, like, 10 or 12 years before,

but but it actually took, you know, for me to actually because I used to do martial arts, and I was always kneeling. And, you know, we we it was kinda like a keto, so we did a lot of work on the knees. Yeah. And after that, it took about 6 years before I could actually nail on the ground without, like, excruciating pain. It took that long. Wow. So -- Was that the weight or just not exercising? Or No. It was just the tenderness. It just didn't go away. You know, he said it's gonna be tender for a while, and that's I'm like, yeah, you didn't say 6 years. Yeah. So I feel like there's a couple months here, not years. Yeah. So you know, and that was that was, like, 10 years before I I that was, like, an 8 or 9, I think, is when I did that. So, you know, I was already back and all that, but the every time I tried to get in shape because, like, 4 years before that or years before that, I took my son to Filmont, which is a boy scout high count, and we hiked a 120 something miles in 10 days. Wow. So I had to get ready for that. And then when I came back, I moved jobs and then, you know, more stress, more alcohol, more food, more you know, too many freaking desserts. I mean, you walk by and it's like a whole speed car to desserts or whatever, and it's like you you eat 1, it's like, oh, what happened to it? So Yeah.

And was that like your your crutch or your therapy? Was it food and alcohol? Is that the thing you used to self soothe? Or Yeah. That was the soothing thing. That was the first thing. After I I was I was

you know, we'll get to that after this because I was sexually abused when I was 6, and I kinda didn't remember most of it because that's 6 or whatever. And that was the my crutch was the the food. Mhmm. And, you know, it was kinda weird because as I was growing up, my all my parents are short. All my family's short. My sister's a little tall. She's, like, 59, 5 10, but I you know, by 14, I was already six foot. Wow. You know, I didn't get hand me downs. And so my parents kept taking me to the doctor and saying, what is wrong with him? He's growing. He won't stop. Yeah. I, you know, I kinda blocked that out too. My brother said, yeah. No. They took you all the time and the x rays and all this. And it's like you know, because I was eating so moved food, but, also, I have some you know, recessive Norwegian, you know, like my mom's brother was 6 foot 2. Mhmm. And but my dad is, like, 58,

59.

So I was like this huge giant, and it wouldn't stop growing. And, you know, and part of that was because I ate everything. I just ate and ate and ate because that was my soothing. And then, you know, by 10 10 years being Catholic, we had alcohol in the house. So I found alcohol. at, like, ten or eleven years old. So -- Wow.

Right. But, yeah, I mean, with the trauma, I mean, there you go. Just another medication you're giving yourself. Right?

Right. And then, oh, yeah. No. The soothing part. I mean, that's you know, and everything we learn as a kid to so we can survive is is what we end up as adults doing. with the food, with the stress. And, you know, and it was weird because I ended up with a speech impediment at six years old. And it came out of nowhere, and nobody could figure it out. Well, Now I know where it came from, and then the bullion, and then, you know, growing so fast and being like, baby Huey, I was very uncoordinated. I was very big and and just growing so fast. I was uncoordinated. So, you know, that just caused a beep bullying and all that and, you know, drunk through high school and, you know, all the good stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know how much you wanna share, but What what was that journey like I mean, discovering the sexual assault was something that that maybe was was back there that led you down this path? And, you know, what was that like? How did you kinda figure it out? How did you get through it?

Well, the the thing was is after the Spartan race. You know? I said, okay. I'm a lose weight. I'm a get in shape, and and everything's gonna be good, and I'm gonna be you know, I it's not gonna be a problem. But, you know, there were still some self medicating and there's still distress and the anger. And and, you know, one of the big things is is you learn or you react the way that you your nervous system reacts the way you did when you were traumatized -- Mhmm. -- alter your whole life after that happens. So I couldn't control my anger or my outburst or my reacting. You know, I couldn't respond because of of what I went through, and I didn't know any of this. Mhmm. So but it worked okay being a chef because they're like, oh, he's a chef. You know, they're, you know, they're they're their their chefs. That's what they do. Gordon Ramsay and all that. So -- Right. But so it was like after that, I was like, drawn to different people that had different you know, they were talking about different traumas and stuff like this. And I ended up with a book by Bessel Vander Cough, and it's called the body remembers. And, basically, he he he's specialist in trauma. and he was talking about your body remembers the trauma chemically. So whenever you're you're triggered, you actually have the same exact chemical reaction you did back when you were whenever the the trauma happened, the the acute trauma. And then I started reading his book, and was reading into it, and then all of a sudden, it triggered me. And I went and flashed back. I could smell this stealth carpet. I could see the carpet. I could see the acoustic ceiling with the dust on it. I could see the tan wall. You know, I could see the rocks out. I was I was walking in the door, and the guy opened the door, And, you know, I I I could feel my body tensing up. You know, I couldn't really see a lot more than that, but I could see the long hallway and the carp you know, but the smell and the everything I and the feeling, it was just like so instantly, I was like, oh, shit. That's what happened. And then I started putting that back, and then I figured out, you know, with with what he was saying in the book, and that's why I started coming up with the what my book's about is the 6 stops that a leader has to overcome to, you know, to be very successful, and a lot of that is you have to come to grips with what happened to you. You have to come in the grips of your stress. What if because everybody had something happen to him where they were a kid. Mhmm. You say you were traumatized, you had a traumatic experience when died or you created something, you you created traumatic experience for yourself. Mhmm. Or You were never good enough. You were the the son you're you were the daughter that or you were the son, you know, a girl or boy, you were the the one that they never wanted. They wanted the other one, and you, you know, you live with that your whole life. You were never good enough. Mhmm. I mean, that 70% of the population is, you know, they are never good enough. That's why they end up being, like, superstar leaders because -- Mhmm. -- they have to prove something, and they don't know why. And -- Right. -- we don't know why we're traumatized, why we react the way we do, or we don't know why, you know, the grieving when it just happens. We it overtakes us. We suppression, and and people don't realize it is once you start putting that together with what happened to you, and now you can figure out what your strengths are Because, like, traumatize people, they can help other traumatize people through what they've done, but, also, they learn to to push through it. They're very hard headed. They're very you know, I'm very hard headed. It's like, you know, almost like, you know, you're not gonna stop me no matter what. And, you know, other people are, you know, like, are never good enough, so they create this narcissism or whatever. you know, it's everybody has a problem. But not everybody knows they have a problem. Mhmm. So but, yeah, I worked through that, and it was going back to the basics of you know, you gotta figure out what your your values are and your priorities. And and once you can figure that out, then you can figure your goals. You know, you may end up being if you really sit down and really write it out, you may find out you're in the wrong field or you're just not riding in the right seat on the right bus. Mhmm. So that's where a lot of people, and that's what the book's about is finding out where you really, you know, Where's your intuition? because you're not listening to it. You know, you that little voice everybody covers up because of they're not good enough or they've been traumatized. They're YOU CAN'T HEAR THE YOUR INTUATION AND THAT IS WHAT DIRECT YOU AND THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE World RIGHT NOW IS IT'S LIKE, Everybody's distracted.

Right. And a lot of those things you're talking about, those behaviors are rewarded.

Oh, yeah.

So then that's because we reinforce these things. Right? Especially, you know, you didn't get the culture of, you know, a whole of my beer. You know, watch me do this or or, you know, challenge accepted. I'm gonna do this or watch me, and I'm gonna make this happen. And then sounds like from what you're saying here is a lot of those things could be covering up a trauma. But when we look at that from a societal point of view, like, that's a hard driven driven person. They're getting things done. I wanna be like them, but, really, they're just masking something.

Right. But at the end of the day, you know, that's what you know, look at the divorce rate. Right? Right. That's that's you know, they're not addressing their problem. Mhmm. And so they're taking it out on everybody around them. It's like that whole saying is like, and I can't remember who said it. I was trying to look it up. I couldn't find it. But it's like if you put the man together, the world falls in place around it. Mhmm. You know, when I found peace, everyone around me found peace. If I was not at peace, nobody around me is at peace. And that's how you know, that's how families will destroy is, you know, you know, that whole alcoholic, you know, DWI thing is, like, the wife and the kid, that's who I feel sorry for. But, yeah, you feel sorry for them, but, really, you feel sorry for that person that can't heal themselves. They don't know they need to be healed, and they're destroying themselves. you know, they didn't ask to be traumatized. Mhmm. They didn't ask to be not wanted.

Mhmm.

So, you know, you know, everybody that's you know? And and I've got nothing good to say about a pedophile, and I've got, you know, But at the end of the day, they were sexually abused. Right. Every single one of them was sexually abused by someone. They were transferring what happened to them to the next person. because, you know, like, my physical abuse of growing up as a child and being deep -- Mhmm. -- I finally learned to stop that. That wasn't gonna be my children. you know, but somebody's gotta break the chain, and that's the problem. Mhmm. We we don't know we don't know we're we're were screwed up and, you know, he tried to help people. Nobody's like, you know, they're like, oh, I'm fine. I'm okay. And it's like,

you're not okay. Yeah. You're okay for his. That's like a keyword. Like, I'm fine. I was like, okay. Now we know you're not. Exactly.

Yeah. Right. So You know? And that's the whole that's what I I've I've stopped being a chef. Mhmm. And, you know, I'm just during all this COVID and ice you know, I had probably 2 or 3 burnouts after the 2019 run. Mhmm. And, you know, with the COVID, we had short staff, we had inflation, We had, you know, people trying to work, we had to give her more money, and I worked at high end clubs, and they were like, you you can't run a kitchen. It's like, you don't know what's going on. And they're like, yes. We do. We run 1,000,000,000 dollar companies. You know? because there's at the club I was at was you know, there's the new billions billionaires coming in, and they were on the on the board. And they're like, oh, you just can't run a business. It's like, you have no idea what's going on. And so they let me go in October of last year. Mhmm. And instead of doing that, I said, you know what? I found some mentors. I got the mastermind. and, you know, I'm like, I want to take my purpose, which I found. It's based off what I what I went through. and I wanna help people. So, you know, I've sacrificed a lot, and, you know, it's but this is what it is now. I mean, this is my job. I'm not gonna be the chef, and it, you know, I could just go do that. It would be fine. I could make my whatever six figures again and all that, but it would it's not my purpose. I wouldn't be fulfilled.

Right. Right. Yeah. And especially when you you you've kinda discovered something that you discovered. And what made me interested in in talking with you is Not to not to say this maybe in a structured way, but that's this is a common story. And but not everybody shares it. Not everybody realizes it and for you to go out there and share and do it. gonna do a lot more good than than you would not being fulfilled and maybe even falling back into your old, you know, your old patterns and whatnot and just becoming maybe another statistic or something like that versus getting out there and letting people know, like, hey. These these traits you think you have are good. Maybe there's something else going on and you are bearing covering up. and talking about this and being vulnerable like you are, and I appreciate you sharing, you know, some of these more vulnerable things. I think this is a a greater good a a net positive in in this world. And I I really do appreciate, you know, people like you and especially, you know, what you're doing and the book and everything, the the podcast tours that you're doing. I think it's gonna help a lot of people. Oh, thanks.

Yeah, I mean, a lot of what, like you said, a lot of people are walking around and they don't know they have a problem. and they die that way. And, you know, you end up I forgot who said it, but they said the most expensive real estate in the world It's graveyard.

Mhmm.

Because all the the books that should have been written, all the

the music, all the people that should have been helped, all the ideals that they were so caught up in being distracted because of their their problems that they didn't realize they had or would not admit it, they were so distracted they never found their purpose. And so, you know, And that's that's really sad. You know? And but the problem is, I I would say, yeah, and that's the same thing why there's you know, you look at the leaders is 5% of the population are the leaders. Mhmm. You know? Because other people either don't wanna be a responsibility to make decisions. They can't be a leader and they can't make decisions and can't handle responsibility, or they just can't handle pressure. Mhmm. And The reason they can't do that or they can't move from that middle manager or whatever to the upper manager is because their character They haven't worked on their character because it's too painful. Mhmm. And they get distracted. What do you think football's there? Why do you think baseball? you know, NASCAR, they all these things, and then, you know, are devices that are supposed to be your communication wizards. Right. They're they're ruining our lives. because people spend all their time on there. Mhmm. And, you know, I'm no different, but it's you know, and they say, all this is new, the distractions Why could you not? It was I was like, what saw a picture, and it was a subway, and it was early 1900. And every single person had a a newspaper, and they were distracting themselves. it's not this isn't nothing new. Trauma isn't new. Being not good enough is not new. This has gone on for millennia, you know, somewhere. But to be able to address it with these modern times, you know, it's it's It sucks. Trying to you know, it it was hard for me to address it and admit it. But once you admit you have a problem, alcohol, sex, drugs, Phornography, food. Perfectionism is is a disease. Right. It's you're not good enough. That's that is is not a good trait. You know? And people who say, you know, oh, I'm perfectionist. It's like, you don't understand what is wrong with you, and you're gonna live this whole life, and you're gonna make everybody around you miserable. because you're a pain in the ass. Mhmm. And and and but they destroyed. They end up divorced, and they don't know why. And they -- Right. -- they you know, it's it's like, come on, guys. If y'all get your shit together sorry. But no. I don't know if you -- -- number. Yeah. If you get your shit together, you you can change your life? And if you change your life, you're I always say your kids will never listen to you. but then watch people will not listen to what you say, but they watch what you do. Mhmm. And then they say, like, I lost the weight, and then then I had people come to other chefs that were very large. And all that, and they say, how did you do this? I didn't say a word to them. Yeah. But it inspired them to stop drinking. Mhmm. You know, like one of my sous chefs. to stop drinking a case of beer at night to to lose £40 to get off his medications. Nice. You know? And I'm like, you're on your 3rd divorce. There's a problem with you. Yeah. And he and I finally got him to therapy, and and he had severe complex attachment issues. And people don't realize. I said, you know, I'll walk around. It's like attachment issue. Mhmm. Complex attachment issue. You know? it's it's really when you start studying all this, and that's what I end up doing was Freud and and and all these guys, all their different theories. and it's like none of them are a 100% right, but all of them are right. Mhmm. You know, if you start putting them together, you start seeing it, and you're like, Wow. Holy moly. Like the attachment theory. That is, you know, amazing. You know, mine was a complex attachment. because I had no idea how my caretaker, which is my mom, would show up. Was she gonna go bash it crazy and beat the crap out of me again? Right. because I was a little shit, but then I was a little shit because I was traumatized.

Mhmm.

You know? So it's it's it it's a vicious little circle, and somebody's gotta break it. Somebody's gotta stand up and say no more.

And that's the thing. I think when when people like you talk about their stories, we can see a child, like you were saying earlier, is all of a sudden, there's a sudden mark in time where you have now a problem. Like, he had no problem with speaking before. He has a speaking problem. I think the more we talk about this, we can say, dang. You know what? Billy was fine. a couple weeks ago, he started stuttering. And then or whatever it is. And then we can start saying, oh, there's something happened, and I think we can earlier in we can intervene earlier in these people's lives and start to change this a lot sooner instead of going 40, 50 years.

Yeah. You know, 6 one half dozen another because, you know, I wouldn't be where I was if I didn't. I you know? And and that's another thing. It's like when you look at the marriage rate, you know, you have people who have all these attachment issues and complex attachment. And all this other thing, it's like, damaged people go to damage people because the people that aren't damaged in that way don't wanna deal with these people. And the ones that are damaged know that these people don't wanna deal with them. So they find someone who is just as messed up as them. Mhmm. And and, you know, sometimes that even works though. But when you get the other 2 mixed together, it doesn't work because it's like, he's an alcoholic. He's or she's an alcoholic or or she's abusive or, you know, she's she's batshit crazy or, you know, I didn't see any of this, you know, or or, you know, was that tequila makes her clothes fall off. All that stuff. You know what I mean? Right. Right. Right. -- find that out until later because people don't talk. They don't talk about their values. They don't talk about their goals and their their priorities. And, you know, they just get married, they have sex, whatever kids, and then all of a sudden, they're married. And then, you know, 6 down the road, they're like, you know, strangers. Right. And he's working all the time. She's working all the time. They don't see each other, you know, and then they're like, you know, I don't love you anymore. It's like but if you would've worked on your problems, mhmm, and stop trying to hide behind the bottle, hide behind the the the the whatever -- Yeah. -- and and deal with your problems because we're embarrassed to talk about it. I mean, we're grown men. I'm I'm a very I would be called a very aggressive person. I'm a very kind person, but you know, being traumatized and bullied my whole high school, you know, I learned martial arts. I I learned, you know, I got my training in martial arts. I trained with swords. I did all of this. And, you know, because I was like, you know what? People aren't gonna screw with me anymore. gonna screw with me, not dealing with that shit. And I create and then people and if I would've never figured out my problem, then I just would have been that person that doesn't take any shit. And there's tons of those people out there. You see them all over. Right. And they're very dangerous people. Mhmm. And the problem is is they're not healed. Yeah. They don't have peace with they're not at peace with themselves. And if you can't meet with your peace with yourself, knowing around you, the world, every you know, it's you against the world, and it's not the the world didn't give a shit about us. It really doesn't. It just stuff happens to us, and we take our perception is that it is, you know, That person's attacking me. It's like, no. That person's damaged too. Mhmm. And you're having a bad day, and he's having a bad day, And now y'all are fighting, and it had nothing to do with either one of y'all. Mhmm. It had to do with the situation and not addressing, you know, not growing up. It took me 50 something years to grow up. That sucks.

Right. Yeah. I I I got lucky, I think. I kinda recognized in my early twenties, I was doing a lot of things to impress my dad because that's where I was abused. My dad, you know, he you know, being the oldest, he had they had their old school standards and and stuff like that. And and I get told my wife before, you know, we ever had had a child. I was like, I'm not gonna be that person. You know? And and my son he asked me stories about things, and I was telling him a story about something. And then I told him, I said, yeah. And I walked to the door, my dad punched me in the mouth, and he was like, what? you know, why did he why did he do that? And to me, I was like, what do you mean? Why did he do that? Of of course, that's what he would do. But he's like he's like, you've never ever done that to me. You know? But I made sure that I was never gonna be like that. And I'm sure I'd still do things, but that at least that one aspect, I knew that I was gonna break that cycle. And it's nice to see that he doesn't even understand what that even means to to, you know, to be disciplined in that kind of way. But it I you know, as a to me, I I I still kinda remember back the day. I don't know what happened or whatever I was doing. I think I was I think I was quite drunk. I just said, you know what? I'm done with this. I don't why am I trying to impress this guy? This is not you know, I'm not doing the things I wanna do. I'm not you know, pursuing the things I wanna do because I'm just trying to see if if I do this, will this make him happy? If I do this, well well, you know, will I finally be accepted or whatever it was that I was searching for? And the day and one day, I just was like, you know enough of this. And it was like this weird, crazy, just weight lifted off of my shoulders, and I just never looked back.

Yeah. So yeah. I mean, that's I mean, everybody talks about inheritance for your kids, Mhmm. My inheritance my kids is is what I went through. They know. They know. And I want them to know, and then I point out other people to them. I'm like, that's, you know, like my son, it's almost a joke sometimes We we got I'm helping my my father-in-law. We it's a heavy industrial Equipment rental business. Mhmm. So we get a lot of people that have attachment issues. Mhmm. And they're very triggerable, and they're they're very you know, and and my son, you know, they walk in, and I'm like, attachment issue. I'm like, complex attachment. You know? And then because we're just, like, pointing him out, he's 25. But it's like, if you knew what I know now -- Mhmm. -- now, your life's gonna be so much better. You're gonna go so much farther because now if you know how to deal with people and you know what what what is What has happened to them? You stop being angry at them and you start feeling --

Compassion.

-- compassion. Yes. It's like, That guy's an asshole. He's drunk, and it's like, he was abused. Yeah. He is not okay with himself. He can't be alone with himself. That's why he drinks. Mhmm. That's why he parties. Because when he's alone with himself, he has the thoughts that he doesn't wanna have because the thoughts or the truth And the truth sucks. It's hard to handle. That's why it's easier to be distracted with with whatever, and and, you know, it's it's rough, and it's not something most the population will never ever

address what their or they don't even know what they have a problem. They just know this is the way I was, where my dad was, where my mom was, whatever. This is what grandpa was. They all went to prison. I went to prison. It's like, no. It's like,

no.

Yeah. They taught you to be that way. Like, you learn these lessons from them. You're emulating these people. Right. Yeah.

Mental health issues are passed down because trauma is passed down. Right. And, you know, Family medical issues are passed down because family diets are passed down. A 100%. You know? And it's like, people don't realize that. It's like, The reason that your parents had diabetes and you have diabetes and your kids are getting diabetes is because of the food you eat. Mhmm.

Yes. I just had this conversation with someone there talking to me about about something like, oh, it's just a genetic I was like I was like I was like and I was saying this exact thing to them. I was like, look at Look at these family. Look at these family. Everybody's oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I was I was like, why are they fat? And they're like, well, because they all eat like that, and I was like, exactly. Exactly. You just taught each other all what to do. And no like, back to that thing, nobody broke that cycle. Nobody said, this is not how we do. This is maybe how grandma did it or mom did it or dad did it, but this is not how we do that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, well, like, my son's very large. He's he's he's fat. My daughter's fat, and my wife is fat. And You know, I've I've went from £300

to, like, 2 just under 2:30. And but now I'm, like, at 2:50, but I've I've kept this way to for 4 years. Mhmm. So I didn't go you know, before it would, I'd go down and then go pass back what I did before. Right. So but you know, my wife, her coping mechanism is food, real bad. It's sugar.

Yeah. Mind that. Yeah.

And so my kids, their soothing method is is food too, and it ends up and but it doesn't really help because of commercialization. of processed foods, I mean, it's cheaper to buy a freaking well, I don't know about now, but a happy meal than a salad.

Right.

It's it's a bottle of water costs the same thing if not more than a bottle of Coca Cola. Right. Right. and, you know, they know who are addicted to it. They're peddling it. The ultra refined processed flowers Mhmm. They are so there are worse than sugar because they've been bleached or or genetically not modified, but they've been bred to become higher yield, better pest resistance, and it changes the gluten structure because we didn't have gluten sensitivity before the seventies. No. Right. It wasn't -- That's when they start hybridizing the the wheat for the yield and for the gluten content. Right. And so now it's like we're poisoning we're we're the Romans. Mhmm. And we're going toward that bottom. Yeah. We're we're we're not down low slope. You know, we're gonna be a society and and people look, but it's worldwide, but it's really bad with Americas because because there's prosperous. I mean, even our people that are in poverty are doing better than, you know, middle class or that might be middle class in Third World Countries. Mhmm. Right. Yeah. the poorest people in this country are wealthier than, I think, something like 90% of the world. Right. They have clean water. They have shelter. I mean, yes. It may it was section 9 housing or whatever, but know, they have some sort of food. There's -- Right. -- there's food stamps. There's whatever government assistance and and all this. They don't have that third world countries. No.

So Yeah. So I I tend to teach my, you know, my kids and stuff. I'm like, you know, this water in this toilet is cleaner than most people's drinking water. I say, you guys gotta understand that. You know? And and I think it's hard for us to especially if you were born and raised here to understand, like, this this is not normal. Like, everybody's, you know, home recognition. Everybody has all these things. Everybody's got phones and, you know, all all these things. These are not normal things. You know? Abundance of food, you know. I mean, at least most people do in this country, you know, this is not normal. Most people don't know what, you know, it is to have an abundance of food to to to be fat because you have too much food. Right. Yeah. And and and and also too nowadays, we have this this victim mentality and and stuff, and and and there's nobody holding anybody that kinda economable anymore. And if you try to hold somebody accountable for for being too too overweight or for being this you know, I was like, oh, you're just this phobic now. Even this is new disease I heard about. If you are conscious about your your food choices, if you read the labels and you and you I shouldn't eat these ingredients. I shouldn't have these types of things. I should, you know, I should try to buy, you know, organic or I should try to that's a mental disease now. They're trying to make that a mental disorder. And I was like, I don't think you you people aren't seeing what's happening. Like, this is this is a captured thing to to continue to make us more weak the way we are, the more you know, more often, easy controllable and all these things, and and it's really sad.

Well, but it's it's corporate greed. It's pushing all this. you know, it's it's like, the thing I saw something on the news, and it showed, like, one person saying, you know, was talking about the election, and then there's another person, and then and then they've got, like, 48 or a hundred people on the screen at the same time. and they're saying the same exact thing at the same exact rate in the same exact words. Yeah. This is a script. Everybody's reading a script. Right. And it's about I mean, it's like you look at some of the big companies, Procter And Gamble. You know, if they have competition, they buy them. Right. And same thing with now the the Philips, Boris, the cigarette. They're buying all the processed food companies. They're buying they're selling addiction is what they sell. They're really good at it. Yes. And so now they're they're peddling sugar and processed foods. It's like there's more processed I mean, if we would just eliminate processed foods from our diet -- Mhmm. -- if we would just eliminate seed oils, Yeah. That's become a big one. If you look at everything, every baked item on the shelf, every salad dressing, you know, and

there's soybean oil. It's not good for us. Yeah. I mean, coffee creamer, your yogurts, the simplest things is is unbelievable. Yes. I I have this conversation with so many types of people. Yeah. But people don't understand. I mean, it's it's almost impossible to buy something in a package nowadays that doesn't have Added seed oil, added sugar, soy something. I saw pre marinated pizza meat the other day that had cellulose fiber. I was like, that's wood. Why is there wood fiber in my marinated meat? But, I mean, this it makes things cheaper. I have I have a theory. You know? It kinda Back way back in, you know, 100000 years ago. One way to control a village or control a population, you took over, you know, you you you march your troops in in war, You took over a village. To control the population, to control the men, you got rid of the meat. You got rid of the foods, and you gave them sparse breads and and and stuff like that or whatever. And I think that's something that they're trying to do here and not necessarily just America, but seems like a lot of the the western developed world They're trying to weaken everybody and keep everybody weak. And I think this is part of that push with with all these different plant based stuff, which is just processed foods anyways, just all these chemicals and all these things combined together to make a chicken nugget or a hamburger or a hotdog. But I think that's something to do with that is to keep everybody weak and keep everybody down keep everybody in that state of chronic inflammation. We don't cut think straight. We can't sleep well. And you can't you can't think. You can't fight back. I think there's something to that.

We're we're living in the matrix. Yeah. Sometimes -- I mean, we're, like, some people that got that thing stuck right in the back of their head right now, and they're walking around. Yeah. You know? And they're just you know, they have to have it's you know, they're drinking cokes, and and I've seen everybody that don't drink coffee anymore. They drink, you know, 2 or 3 energy drinks. Or -- Right. -- or, you know, and it's like, god, do you know what's in that crap? Yeah. You know what it's doing to you? You know, it's sterilizing the population. With the sugar and the diabetes and the seed oils, it's like our birth rate's plummeting. Yep. You know? And then we won't even talk about just what happened. I I I I'm not even gonna get into that because that whole pandemic crap -- Yeah. -- it's like it's like we're being slowly dismembered as a society.

Yeah. And I think very much strategically in America because I think we have the strongest constitutional laws And and there's a lot I think a lot of languaging, especially the thing that drives me kinda a little bit crazy, is is the you know, saying this is the threat to our democracy. I think people don't realize this. America's not a democracy, but if you convince everybody that it is a democracy, then you start to bring those democratic type things in, and then you're able to overthrow the thing. I think once hopefully not in my lifetime, they get that done. be able to overthrow the constitution of his son and slowly by slowly eroding these things away. And convincing everybody would live in a democracy and everybody has a vote, and that's not The founding father said, if we ever became a democracy, we failed. Yeah. And I don't think people understand that, but that's, I think, part of something going on that that it all it all excuse me, it's all encompassing. Like you're saying, the news thing, oh, this is a threat to our democracy. Okay? That's wrong. Oh, Don't eat meat. Okay? Now you're making people weak. You know, may eat all these foods. It's okay to have these things. It's all it's I mean, it's all part of some some big thing to corral us all into whatever it be, some type of world 1 more government type thing or whatever, or just to make us weak and controllable and commodities.

Commodities. We're a commodity.

Yes. We are. Yeah. Especially, I mean, you the department at your work is called human resources. I mean, that should just tell you right there. You're just a resource. Yeah. But when

you know, back in just a few years ago, 10 years ago, who would have thought that a conspiracy the conspiracy theorist theorist was a homesteader.

Right. Yeah.

A a concerned parent. A self sufficient person is a a terrorist. Yes. It's like, what the hell? And that, you know, everybody has the right to make me bow down to what they believe, and it's like, no. Yeah. I'm gonna point out what's wrong. And when I do it, like you said, you're you're labeled, you're you're whatever phobic. And that's that's that is basically or, you

know, it's it's it's crazy. These are crazy times we're living in. Yeah. And that's the thing. That's part of that type of languaging. And as I talk I I talk to people a lot about, especially my son, is that language is so important the the the words you say and the meaning you give them, that is so important. So I think they're trying to capture that And I I lost my I was returning a thought with that.

ah, shoot. Anyway, anyway, I lost my train of thought. It it just really comes down to they want us to divide it because when we're divided, we're distracted. And when we're distracted, they can make laws. They can they can, you know, they can put stuff in our food. They can yeah. It's it's like the whole glyophosphate thing. Mhmm. It's like, oh my god. It's like they spray it on wheat and rice -- Mhmm. -- so that the plant dies faster so they can harvest this sooner. Right. Yeah. Has nothing to do with weeds, has nothing to do. they're spraying. And then so now everybody's eating this stuff. Mhmm. And it is causing issues. You know, finally, they're coming out and saying, well, you know, it causes cancer. It's like, Duh-uh. Yeah. So it's, you know, it's it's really, it's the Like you said earlier, it's the governments against and the corporations. Well, actually, it's not even that anymore. Governments don't matter. Yeah. Now you've got BlackRock and you've got all this. Now you have these huge corporations, you know, who control such a large mark it that they control the people. Right. It's the same thing as what happened back in, you know, that caused the French revolution. Mhmm. You know? The people, it's like they finally said, yeah, screw this. Right. Enough is enough. Yeah.

That's what's happened. We're we're coming to that point. We are. We absolutely are. Yeah. And and it's gonna it's gonna be sad when when all this comes kinda tumbling down or whatever whatever winds up being, hopefully not. But it does seem like, you know, there's gonna be some type of revolutionary type thing, especially when you start pushing these these two groups together, you put them you and you're putting them head to head,

Yeah. That's I I'm not looking forward to any of that. No. I mean, they're they're they're telling us that we can't control our kids. We can't raise our kids. that we're not we we as the parent are not good enough to raise our own kids. Right. We're we're not we're not smart enough to tell our kids, no, that's not right. Right. Or to point that out, you know, and and, you know, I this dysmorphia, you know, where, you know, I'm not a I'm not a boy or I'm not a girl. Mhmm. And it's like, you are. And, you know, unfortunately, my daughter had to go through that. I had to go through with her, and I'm just, like, trying to point this out. And but the thing is is is the society, the certain part of it, wants to capitalize on that. But they said 90% of the kids that have this, Morpheus, by the time they come out of puberty or reach into puberty or above, it's gone. 90% of them -- Right. -- it's naturally gone. They realized it's like they come to grips with -- Mhmm. -- with what, you know, what they were actually born as. Right. But when you have people that were sending propaganda and then us as parents can't stop that propaganda so that we can heal our kids. Mhmm. We can heal ourselves, so we can heal our country, our town, Mhmm. You know, we're now terrorists.

Right.

I'm a terrorist.

Mhmm.

Yeah. They're being a parent. A good parent maybe even -- For being a parent that tells the truth. Mhmm. Yes. Nobody likes the truth when you're making up lies.

Yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah. Nobody wants to hear the truth when they don't like what you have to say. Yeah. That's that's a real that's a real sad problem. It it is and social media and stuff is exacerbating it, and and and and Internet and and everybody. And and I think the worst thing is, like, you're saying, is it so sad that you can't have a voice in your own child's life. And if you if you do, probably gonna go to jail or your child's gonna be taken from you, and it's really sad. And it's it's it's I mean, talk about another cycle of trauma. I mean, here we go. I mean -- Oh, yeah. -- literally, and create it.

But, you know, it's all gonna be different, but that's that whole point, but if we if we learn to self lead. Mhmm. If we learn to take care of ourselves -- Mhmm. -- then we don't have to worry about our kids because they're gonna see us. Right. They're not gonna hear us. They're gonna see us and then go, something's different. I like that. Right. You know? It's like, That's that's the thing that people are missing in their life, and it's like they see someone who's passive or they don't they're not Rousible and, you know, they're not so now they're a wuss or whatever, and it's like, No. Really, that guy will kill you if you mess with you. Right. You know, he he's what is that? Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. -- business. Right? And that's what the world is doing is they're saying you're weak. And, you know, Jordan Peterson said this perfectly. He said, you think a strong man is dangerous? Mhmm. Wait till you see what a weak man will do because -- A 100%. Right. Exactly. He'll stab you in the back. He'll shoot you in the back. He'll he'll blow up your car. He won't look you in the eyes face to face. Right? He he's gonna come around. He's gonna stab you in the back. Mhmm. And and that's where, you know, we have you know, it's that sad. It's, you know, weak men make a great economy and then or or world. And then, you know, great economy creates weak men and weak men create hard times. That's what it is. Good times bad. Yeah. Hard times. And we're in that cycle. It's like, you know -- Yeah. -- and but they're like, you know, our kids are doing are are gonna go be all week, and we're gonna lose it. It's like, no. They're not. You know, I talk to my kids. They talk to me. We still have conversations Yeah. They're like a lot of us see it. It's like the the people that are the problem that tell us that we're all going to hell in a hand basket, the weak people, are not the majority. They sound like the majority They're just a lot of noise, but that quiet majority is still out there -- Mhmm. -- that are patriots. Mhmm. You know, they're, you know, I one of my favorite shows to watch and my kids laugh at me and all that is the patriot. Mhmm. You know, it's that moment where he's like, you know, I won't fight, you know, I won't have people fighting my stead because of my kids and all this. And they're like, oh, you're hiding all this. but then if you go a little further in there when his son was in the house and he's looking out the window and all the people have ran away, It's like the fighting and killing, it's happening right on your doorstep. Mhmm. And people don't realize what violence is. It's like you you you wanna be disagreeable and you wanna be you wanna try to shove this down my throat? It's like you have no idea where this will lead. Mhmm. And like you were talking about, a revolution. It's not that I'm a I'm a revolutionist or you know,

a a mercenary or or whatever. It's just like there's a difference between right and wrong. Mhmm. And that's where the thing that stepped over the line is when they started, you know, involving the kids and and and backing the parents into into a thing, I think that's where they really they really, really cross the line. And that's that's if if whatever moving they're trying to do, I don't think they realized when you start involving the children, especially, is when you is when you cross the line. Now so people are gonna stand up, not gonna take it anymore. It's like, fine. we had no problem for, I don't know, whatever 4000000 years, being however you want to be, now we start forcing people to do things. That's when we have a problem. Right.

Yeah. And then just to get back to where we were at the beginning, it's it's Well, I mean, but this all has to do with people that aren't healed. Yep. All this has to do with people because the people who are the loudest are the ones that are the are the most damaged. Right. Exactly. A peep a person's not gonna argue about gender or racism or equality or any of it if they're not. healed. I mean, if they are healed. They're not gonna it doesn't bother them. Right. The people who get all round up are the ones that are you know, emotional damage then -- Yes. -- traumatized. And and if we can help people be themselves to be find their purpose, to find their fulfillment, to find their their life, to get their life back, to get their peace. If we could do that for society, society would just it would just flip over over, you know, like, I forgot it was a Cal Newport with somebody, but the book the tipping point.

It's like

Malcolm Gladwell, I think. Malcolm Gladwell. Yes. And if if we can get to that point and it has it's it's like the subway thing. It's not the violence in the subway. He just addressed the graffiti. And at a certain point, it stopped. Right. Because and, you know, and all of it in our lives, it's that tipping point. And I always say, you know, that's one of the best points people it's like we just have to get to the tipping point and the it's the problem, but society is not the problem. It's the symptom. And society treats the symptom. It doesn't treat the problem. Mhmm. Because if we address the problem, then the system will fall apart because -- Right. -- we can't treat the symptoms anymore. They don't wanna tier. They don't wanna deal with the problem. They wanna deal with the racism. They wanna deal with the food, the the medical industry, the drug industry, they they want that to keep going. If we address the problem, the symptoms go away. Right. And all this other stuff, they have no power over us. Mhmm. Then we don't buy all these these processed foods. We don't buy all this sugar water. We don't buy, you know, heroin in the in a in a plastic thing, and it's worse than heroin and cocaine is is sugar addiction or carbohydrate addiction.

Right. Yeah. But it's being used against us. Yes. And weaponized. Yeah. Exactly.

But if we heal ourselves -- Mhmm. -- they can't you know, it's like you you you can't fight with a strong man because he he's he knows he's strong. Mhmm. You know, everybody's like martial arts. Oh, he's dangerous. It's like, no. You learn martial arts. When you get to black belt, you have learned that fighting is not the answer. Mhmm. And it's gonna be more of, like, if they can't control themselves, I'm gonna control them. Mhmm. But then you can escalate it up, but you have a controlled response. Like, if you're fighting someone who is not trained, Mhmm. They may actually kill that person. Yes. Because they don't they don't know what works, what doesn't work, how to do it, how to to to -- How much force pressure? Yeah. Right. They don't understand what force does. You know, that's when they pick up something and they hit that person. But if if it's someone who's trained in the martial arts, they're gonna start to control, and they're gonna get out of the way. They're gonna try and start doing that. And, you know, ultimately, they don't want to escalate. Those aren't people to go to jail for accidentally killing someone. Mhmm. The people go to for fighting and accidentally kill someone or drunk. Mhmm. And why are they drunk? because they they have issues. Yes. Or or they've they're weak and they they pick up something or a gun, and that's why they go to jail. It's not because they knew how to fight Mhmm. And protect themselves, it's that they didn't understand the power that they willed uncontrollably. and that's the same in our life. If we can't control ourselves, we're we're gonna hurt other people. You know, we hurt our families, our wives, our kids, or or have people at work. We we unintentionally hurt people because we don't understand the power. that we can't control. So, if we can control ourselves, guess what? The people around us are gonna be protected. Mhmm. So, I mean, it all comes full circle. It does. Yeah. The problem the problem that we see is not the problem. That's the symptom. You know? You heal the man, and the world will fall around. And that's I believe that wholehearted, and that's what my whole thing is to point out. And, you know, I pointed out to chefs. Like, chefs, it's like, what is that? The profit in his hometown is is is unrecognized or or not valid or or honored because, you know, I pointed out to chefs, and they're like, oh, yeah. Screw you. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I got no problem. It's like, You just threw my point. Yeah. Right. You know, you're you're you're angry, you're overweight, you're alcohol, you're you're on your third Barriage. It's like -- Mhmm. -- there's a problem. No. I don't have a problem. And that's no problem. You won't admit. We we're too badly. We're too ashamed. You know? Yeah. Renee Brown says it perfectly. We're well, you know, the shame keeps us from addressing our problems. Mhmm. We're we're We're ashamed that we were abused. We're ashamed that we're not not not good enough. We we so we don't address it because of shame. It's like, Come on, guys. You got ripped off the Band Aid. You gotta, you know yeah. It's you gotta, like, heal yourself, man. least for you.

Yeah. Do you think that's a a cultural, maybe American or Western thing where we have that or we're not taught or shown that masculineness or that vulnerability?

Well, yeah. Well, I mean, we don't have the the, you know, I mean, even you go back to, like, the Jewish communities and, you know, African communities and Latino communities, there's a coming of a man Okay. Yeah. -- coming of a woman. We don't have that in our society. We've shunned that. We beat it out of our ethnic's death ethnicity. You know? It it's like we don't do that anymore. I mean, it's like, you know, we don't you know, we look down on people who are ethically different than us. Mhmm. You know? But that's the beauty of the world. You know? I mean, it's you know, there's there's still issues everywhere in the world -- Right. -- in Russia if it it Israel and there's still I mean, there's so much trauma. Like, you you look at Israel. They're so a lot of them are so angry. I I worked with some Israelis that were in the Israeli army, and And you talk about attachment issues. Right. You know, it's not that it's isolated. It's that they they don't talk about it. Right. It's not. You don't talk about it. You know, it's like it's it's so but that's the way the society has been built. I mean, it everybody doesn't talk about it. Yeah. But everybody suffers. You know? You're always at war with yourself, so you're always at war with everybody else. Mhmm. So, I mean, you know, I want world peace. Yeah. That that would be great. I'm not a beauty pageant lady, but I want world peace. And it's possible.

It is. It is. If I wanna circle back something real quick here, what was something unexpected, either hardship or surprise in your in your whole journey?

You know, the hardship well, you know, it was really weird. The One of the surprises was that sexual trauma thing. Mhmm. And then because I went into a deep, dark depression for a couple of months until I I slowly you know, I studied the shadow, and I studied that's when I went through Young and all these all the guys. I went through all their theories and Freud and And, you know, the attachment theory and then, you know, the shadow. I went through all of that, and then that's how I got the piece together. It's like, okay. I'm not because, you know, I had depression, had bad depression, but, you know, a lot of people say I have a mental illness. It's like, no. know, and I thought it was mentally ill. Mhmm. But I figured out, you know, it was that moment. It's like I'm not mentally ill. I'm mentally unsure. I'm mentally unaware. You know what I mean? It's like you're not your mental illness like depression, there's very few people that are clinically really depressed. Most of them have issues. Mhmm. And if you address your that's what I was trying to say, mental issues. I didn't have mental illness. I have mental issues. Mhmm. And then that's what really really like an eye opening, and people don't wanna hear that. They wanna they have that badge of honor. It's like, you know, I'm gonna depressed, and I, you know, I my wife hate me, my kids hate me, and I'm like, well, you know, I was I had some people are working with them, and, like, Well, what are you what are you doing? He goes, well, I lost my job because of my depression. You know, I look like a homeless guy. I you know, I'm overweight. I'm all this. I said, Go get a haircut. Mhmm. Go walk outside. Go get in the sun. No. I would need it's like your your wife doesn't love you anymore. and your kids because you gave up. You gave up on you. And then when you gave up on you, you get they they got the feeling, and it's quite literally slapped in their face as you gave up on them, and nobody wants to be given up on. Right. Especially a child. especially a child. And then, you know, and then I see this guy, you know, and then I had to just cut him off and say, no more. I'm not gonna I didn't I don't answer any of his emails. I blocked him. because because it got that bad where he was, you know, basically accusing me of of his problem because I was pointing him out. Mhmm. And I said, your wife's leaving you because of you and it's like and then, anyway, But that -- Yeah. -- that was that whole thing. And, you know, one of the other things is as a chef, you have to be very demanding. Mhmm. That's why there's, like, you know, you you you see Gordon Ramsay and you see that show and, you know, he's all like kale's kitchen. That's that's like g rated kitchen. Wow. It's it's in the real world. I mean, now it's not as bad. But when I was in the the the nineties, And that was, you know, kitchen confidential by Anthony Bourdain. Yeah. That was that was kitchen life. Wow. You know, Chef's throwing stuff, yelling at you. And I was that way too. I didn't throw anything, but I would, you know, address people in the whole line. It was a shame thing, you know. But that's where I learned. You know, I learned from an Austrian Master Chef. And, you know, that's the way the kitchens were. It's very hard. It's very cutthroat. It's very physical. It's very there's a lot of yelling and there's a lot of screaming because, you know, during service and you've got you know, you're doing 200 covers in, like, 4 hours. Mhmm. and every and say you 200 people, and they've touched let's just say they had 3 plates. 4 pieces silverware, 3 glasses, multiply that by 200 people. You have to move that with food on it and with drink. In this amount of time, it's all organized chaos. They're screaming this, you know -- Yeah. -- he forgot to put it down, so now you're holding the whole So, I mean, it's really aggressive. And what I found that after I I healed myself is I couldn't do that anymore. Mhmm. And then so I started being more compassionate with my cooks. And, you know, you can kinda say I I lost my grip as far as -- Mhmm. -- because now all of a sudden, how I used to manage? I couldn't manage like that anymore because I couldn't be that asshole Mhmm. So that was really and that's when I decided, you know, with the burnout, and it's just, like, one day I'm like, this is not what I wanna do anymore. And then, you know, it was funny because they brought me to the office, and, you know, he's like, the board You haven't done anything wrong. It's not that, you know, that because you you you you've everything is good. The HR lady was very upset that that they were letting me go, and they go, they just want something different. Mhmm. You know, because we had all the, you know, all the different inflation and then job people and, you know, turnover. We had people that would work for a week, and then they would leave. And, you know, we had people that just walked out and and, you know, stress and and all this. And it's like at that point, it was like, when they told me that, I was like, really? I can go. Yeah. You know, I'm done. They're like, are you okay? I'm like, yeah. I was like, I I don't I don't have to because we're about to go into about 80 hour weeks. Oh, wow. You know, we're about to go into the holiday season. Mhmm. You know, I wouldn't see my family, you know, from like, right before Thanksgiving all the way till, like, 18th December. Wow. And it's like they're like, yeah, you're good. You can, you know, You we'll we'll pack your stuff up. You can go. You don't have to, like, face everybody. I'm like, dude, I am good. You're like, dude, this is the best thing that's happened to me because I had already started working on my purpose. Mhmm. I'd already started making a plan to leave being a chef even though I made lots and lots of money. Yeah. And And it's like, how do I figure out that? That's when I spent a lot of money out of mastermind. I got in with a group of people. You know? Is that five people you're surround yourself with? rests surrounding myself with 20 people that are like minded that are trying to do their purpose. And and that's, you know, that was, you know, I packed all my stuff up, and I was like, buy everybody, and they're like, are you okay? Are you you're, like, shocked? And I'm like, no, I'm not shocked. I'm shocked that I don't have I've been released.

Mhmm.

without parole. I was like, wow. I can go home now? Wow. I can see my dogs. I can see my wife. You know, it was just such a relief because that switch of personality, all of a sudden, it's like you finally realize you hate something, and you've done it all your life, and then it's like 4 that I always say it's that 4th gun moment. He's running. He's running all of a sudden. He stops. Everybody's like, wait. wait. You're gonna say anything. He's like, I think I'm done. Yeah. You know? And it that's that moment. And all of a sudden, it's like, what you've been doing for so long? beating your head against the corner of a of a of a wall. Mhmm. You know, all of a sudden you stop and you go, wow. There's Wow. There's something else other than this thing that sucked me in most of my life, and and people don't realize that when you find peace and you find your purpose, it's like, all of a sudden, you have that force go moving. I think I'm gonna go home. And it's like, People until you have that moment, you won't understand that whole that whole movie. I I don't think. It's like because it's like that change You know, it's like lieutenant Dan in the storm, he goes through that moment and then he found peace with himself. Mhmm. Forrest found peace with himself. And all of a sudden, they don't have to do what they've been doing their whole life. They don't have to keep drinking. They don't have to keep being abusive. They don't have to keep being an asshole. They don't have to be violent. They don't have to be lying, cheating, perfectionism. They don't have to do any of this anymore. because they can just stop because they realized that was the disease.

Yeah. Being content completing something, accomplishment. Yeah. Yeah. a lot of times, I think it seems like we passed by those things. It's like, you set a goal or an ambition, and you get okay. That was great. Awesome. What's next? It's like, you didn't even appreciate what you you dreamed of, or or you want it so bad.

Right. You do blue pass through the next thing.

Right. Yeah. And that's how how many things have we I if we all took a second look around our houses and and and find something that that you just you want it so bad. and you maybe you saved. Maybe you you you took a second job or you did a little extra thing on the side and you're like, I just wanna get this new thing. And then a week or 2 later, you don't even care about it. Just if you went back to that thing and just go, what would I what would I do now? What would I pay now for this thing? You know, I never even appreciate it. know? I I especially if a lot of us lived there in our house, we would realize that so many things we wanted that we don't even appreciate anymore.

Yeah. Well, I mean, that's another thing. It was like you know, now it's like, you know, I used to be owned by about my possessions. Mhmm. You know, now I'm just like, oh, yeah. We could sell that auction. We could sell this. it's okay. And my wife's like, well, we can't get rid of this stuff, and I'm like, it's stuff. No. So it's not stuff. It's like, it is stuff. Mhmm. So, you know, that was that was another you know, it's that whole, you know, they laugh at people. They go, you know, oh, you know, go find enlightenment. Oh, enlightenment's real. There's peace and enlightenment. You know? It's like you realize, like, you step back from the matrix. Mhmm. You step out of that, then you can see everybody, all the robots, you could just see, you know, them being cold and just, like, you corralled and and you just step back from it, and and it's like and there's there's a few other people, but there's not that many right now. your days anymore.

And and there's freedom in that, not being attached to things, being able to to let to be able to, like, pick up and let go and move on and let go. And there's a lot of freedom in that. Yeah. So -- One one thing I was as I was digging through all your all your stuff, I I thought was really interesting. I wanted to talk about was What are people missing about either being deliberate or doing things or or just in general being deliberate in in their actions and the things that they do in their life?

Well, I mean, that's the whole that's where I came up with that. The deliberate evolution. It's like, you have to deliberate about your what you want, about your progress, about your family, about your plans. Mhmm. Because, you know, you don't just saw up amount. It doesn't happen. You have to be deliberate. Deliverate means that you planned it out Mhmm. You you you went through the scenarios. You figured out what you need. You you figured out where your stops were, what your where your end point And that's a lot of people. They don't they don't have an endpoint. Mhmm. It's like, you know, I I just did a master class, and it was on decisions. And that's the whole thing is you have to be deliberate about your decisions. Mhmm. If you're not deliberate about them, then you're not gonna make all the right decisions. Decisions only probably

99.9%

of the decisions are not fatal. Right. We can they can be they can be lessons if we we decide we're gonna learn from them. Mhmm. But the problem is a lot of people will not be decisive. They will not be deliberate about them their their life. They won't be delivered about their family. They won't be delivered about a lot of things. And, you know, it's like and the other part of that is, you know, when you learn your values and your priorities -- Mhmm. -- you know, that that whole thing between reaction and response, there's only one thing that's between them. its knowledge. And if you people don't take the time when they're not having to make a decision to figure out what their goal their their goals are come later, but your values and your priorities. Mhmm. It's like when you figure out what your values and your priorities is, You can figure out your goal. Not goals, your goal, your North Star, your point of reference. That's one thing. Because if you go in that one direction, that's not gonna be the place where you're gonna end up. Right. Because you don't even know the questions you need to ask to get the answers that you need to figure out what you need. You know, we don't even know that until we get on the road and figure out, hey. We need this. We need that. And it's like, you know, and you get a detour, and it's like, you know, some of the best things you've ever had on vacation was from a detour. That's another case. We're an RV, we're going around, and it's like, you know, even as kids, it's like we ended up over here, and it's like, wow. That was great. Mhmm. You know? But it changed if you detours in your life, you know, you don't you haven't even met all the people that's gonna help you get to where you need to be. We haven't even met them yet. Mhmm. We don't even know their names. don't even know we need them yet. And then when you're deliberate about it, you deliberately say, this is my North Star. This is where I'm going. and then you you make a plan and you go and you stick to it. And then also when you figure out your priorities, would you have to make a decision? When you make that decision, you make it by responding because you already know what's important to you. You've already figured it out. You've gone over it, and and you have to get it out of your head. The problem is we'd reruminate things in our head. as a worse place to do anything because we suck. Oh, yeah. They all suck. Mhmm. Because we go to sleep, we wake up, we get distracted. Squirrel, You know? Yeah. That's all it takes. And then, also, we lose that, you know, that one thought that you would have, like, changed your life, that one thing is is it's gone. And and it's you may never get it again, but when you take it out of your head and put it on paper, and then you can, like, Move the emotions away. You can move the everybody else's emotions. You can look at it very analytically. and go, that's not feasible or that's feasible. Or it's like, you know, I really don't really care about that car. Mhmm. You know, it was the feeling I got from the car. So really any vehicle would work. You know what I mean? It's so and as you go through all that, and then you get to the point where it's your priorities. So now when I you ask me a question, I know the answer. Mhmm. I know how to respond. I don't have to react because we react because we're surprised. Right. Because we don't know the answer. It's like a school teacher asking you, hey. What is, you know, what is the answer to that? And all of a sudden, you're like, you weren't even paying attention. Mhmm. So you're gonna react and say, oh, you're always picking on me. You always do this and always -- Right. But if you respond, then you been delivered about what your values are, and then what's your priorities. When they ask you a question, you're gonna respond and what's the best for you at that moment. Mhmm. You know, there was one English, what, rowing team. I don't know if you've heard of this one, but they came up anyway. They were not the biggest, strongest team. They weren't the the fastest guys. And so they were at the World Cup, and they lost again. And they and a England had not won in 80 something years, even got on the podium at the Olympics. Mhmm. Well, the the team captain he got with the people and you know, to cut it really short is they decided we need to come up with one goal, one value, one priority. Mhmm. And that's it. And one question that we're gonna ask every single time that some situation comes up, we're gonna ask one question. Will the boat will it make the boat go faster? Mhmm. Period. So it's like, oh, we gotta do this leg workout. We hate leg leg workout. Will it make the vote faster? Yes. We're gonna do this lead workout till we cry. Mhmm. Okay? Hey. You know, that was rough. Let's go to the pub at night. And then the question was, Is that gonna make the boat faster? And the answer was no. So it's we are not going to the pub, and they did that for 4 years. They won 1st place in the Olympics against the Aussies against everybody by a boat lane, which is unheard of. and they weren't the biggest. They weren't the strongest, but they have decided what they wanted. They've been deliberate about evolving into the person or the team that could do that. That's that whole evolution thing is to evolve into because you know, to get to my next level, I actually have to evolve into that person. I have to become that impostor and not have that impostor syndrome because we're not really impostors but we are. Mhmm. We're not frauds because we're trying to do it. We're just mad at it. Right. But we have to evolve into that person that's gonna get that promotion. that's gonna marry that girl or that boy that's going to to that's going to to whatever. Mhmm. Do that one thing. We have to you know, I had to evolve into the person that could run a three mile twenty something obstacle squaring rates. I couldn't do it. I knew I couldn't do it when I started. I had to evolve into that person. And then, you know, that's that whole point is you know, 1st place and second place in in sports is this this far. Right. Well, people don't realize it's like, you know, this is what's possible for you. your potential. It's just one or 2 steps past your possible. Mhmm. But you have to actually go past your possible. because when you hit your potential, that's what Yeah. It's not your potential anymore. It's impossible. Now you you have more potential.

So -- I like that. You just You I'll I'll let you say that your your potential now becomes your possible, and it's just so on and so forth forever. Yeah. I love that.

It's it's your personal best Wasn't your personal best until you hit your personal best, but now it's not going to be your personal best to keep sticking with it. Right? And that's what we all have to understand. That's where that whole deliberate evolution is you have to be deliberate about evolving into the person that you that can do what your goals are. Mhmm. because you can't do them. And if you can't do them, it it's not it's not it you you it's not your potential. It's not your goal. It's just the step. Mhmm. You know? If I could if I could already run as boundaries and say, well, I'm a do that. it wouldn't be significant because it's just yeah. All I gotta do is, you know, I could have a cigarette drink of beer, and I go run it. It's it's fine. I'm already in shape. Right. But when you bite off more than you can chew, you know, I hate to say it all the time. It's like, bite off more than you can chew because you may never get a bite again. You know? everybody's like, don't bite off when you can chew. I'm like, you you need to bite off way more than you think it's possible because you it is possible. it's gonna take you a step and a step and a step and a step. So -- Like Goggin says, we only do 40%. We're at 40% when we wanna quit. Yep. The mind says, Quest, the body is is still 60% is left. Mhmm. Yeah. That's so -- Yeah.

other than getting your book, what is that one maybe well, one foundational step people can start to get on this journey of of doing these deliberate things? He's deliberate hyper focused kinda thing you're talking about.

So I have actually a checklist, and if they you know? Oh, I do. Yes. I read that. That was really good. Yeah. But if you go on if you text Dan to 33777, you can get my deliberate checklist And it basically just goes deliberate life checklist, and it's just it's some questions that you can ask yourself. Are you it's like, are you ready for this? And, you know, are you capable of this? And, you know, it's if you read through that, then you're gonna get, either you're gonna feel good about yourself or you're not gonna feel good. Either way, it's like there's I don't care who you are. It's gonna level you up. because it's possible. And, you know, a real simple thing and I did this on my the master class I just had They can find me on link, LinkedIn or Facebook, and they can find the replay of that. But if you it's a simple thing of finding your values and your priorities. Mhmm. It's like you take one column and you have to do a mind dump. You have to be serious. You have to get in the right frame of mind. You can't be this isn't Willy Nilly. We're not this is this is life and death. So you need to mind up everything that you value, every freaking thing. your personal, your career, your recreational, your whatever. Everything you need to go to everything that's in your life

Mhmm.

And and write down your values, you know, your health values and all that. Write everything down. And it it it shouldn't be 10 things. It should be 20 something things. And if you don't look on the Internet, find something, ask chat g t p something, do something, Yeah. Yeah. But but get your values out. Figure out what they are. And then what you do is you take that and you take the second column, there's 3 columns, The second column is you take your top 10 items from that first column -- Mhmm. -- and put them in that second column It's pretty it's really easy. The hardest part is getting all your values. And then you look through them and you just start scratching them out until you have 10 left. Just scratch them out, say that's that's not priority, that's not, and then you're gonna have 10 items. Now all you have to do is take a number 1 to 10 on importance. That's it. Mhmm. And and that's gonna take a moment. And then when you move only 3 over, well guess what? You have your top 3 values Mhmm. And they are prioritized. Just by going through that one thing, you've now prioritized your values. Now when you make a decision that is that what you have right there, will it make the boat go faster? Mhmm. That's your william make the vote go faster. And then from that, you determine your goal, not your goals, your goal. because you're number 1, and your goal all that has to line up. That's where you're deliberate about it. That's where you evolve. That's where, okay, I'm here. I have to evolve into my goal, and it's gonna be hard, it's gonna be painful, it's gonna suck, but there's so much in that when you when you, like -- Mhmm. -- because that's where your piece is. That's where your fulfillment is. That's where your purpose is. You know? And it may be in your same job, and you just may need to move to a different department, or it may be in your same thing. And now you can super focus because if you take that same, exercise, and you do it with your team at work. Or if you're a CEO and you do it with your corporation, you do that simple thing. It's like, here's my company values. And you sit down with everybody, and you get you get it, and you distill it. You distill it. Distill it. until you get that one thing for that company, for that team, that person, that family, will it make the bogey faster? Right? Yeah. You do that with your spouse too and or you're significant other. You're gonna have a whole different relationship and family. And and that's the problem is we don't communicate. And to do this, you have communicate. You have to communicate with yourself if you're gonna do it by yourself? Yeah. You you have to have you have to -- -- yourself. It's you have to change your relationship so you can actually be tough and call yourself out. Mhmm. You know? because that's what we don't do. We don't we don't put ourself on the line. We don't you know, we we don't like that's what we have to do is you have to be you have to be vicious with yourself in your relationship before you can do anything or you can heal or you can do anything, you have to be up front. You you just gotta rip the Band Aid off and say, you know what? or, like, what what Goggin says, he's like, you know, like, oh, man. Oh, you don't wanna run your entire oh, we get pieces. He's like, no, man. Put your shoes on. We're going. You know, it's that whole and that's what you do with yourself. And if you do that with yourself now, life is gonna be better. If you don't do that now, life is gonna be harder. Yep. So -- I love this quote. I I I figured it's just some famous body builder. I forget his name at the moment. But hard choice is easy life, easy life, hard choice Heart choices, easy life, easy choice, is hard life. Yeah. I mean, it's that simple. Jim Rowan was saying in the seventies. Yeah. You know? You can have an easy life now, and your life will be hard. Less Brown said the same thing. Yeah. If you have a hard life if you do the hard things now, your life will be easy. If you do the easy things now, your life will be hard. And it is so true. I mean, you gotta we we have to be deliberate. We have to be vicious with our development with our evolution. And until we are, we're gonna be mediocre. And if we're mediocre, everyone around us is gonna be mediocre. If my kids see me as the reluctant hero mhmm. As their hero? Mhmm. What are they gonna do? What are they gonna be capable of? because they're gonna go, wow. Look what dad did. Mhmm. You know, my wife's gonna and, you know, if people around, it's like, look what

Mhmm.

And it's like, what if that whole goggin' scene? What if Mhmm. What if I became better? What if I stopped processed foods? Mhmm. What if my diet was 50% better? What if I just, you know, God up and walk. You know, I can't walk very far. Walk as far as you can and walk back if you have to sit down. Have someone did you, but walk. You know, you have to, you know, if you're depressed, do something. Yeah. Don't sit there and waller in your misery. You know? And and I I I understand being depressed. understand that that helplessness, but it is a learned helpless. It's not there's like I said, there's very few people that clinically, actually, chemically in their brains depressed.

Most of us just have misunderstandings.

like Go get some sunlight. Get some vitamin d. Mhmm. You know? Start taking fish oil. Start eating protein, my god. Yeah. Yeah. Stop eating your carbs. Yeah. That's what I'm on. If you just did a few things, don't eat anything fried. Mhmm. Okay? Or or make it less do half of what you used to do. You know? I have one less soda a day. I mean, it's -- One less soda start. Don't if you because if you go, like, batshit crazy all at once, Yeah. You're gonna fail a 100%. Mhmm. But if you start, like you said, one less soda. Yeah. If you drink 4 if you drink smoke 2 packs of cigarette, Let's let's walk down to 1 pack maybe in a month or so, and then let's work a little further down. Right. And and and then you're gonna notice your life. Like, you know, get outside. Get some sunlight. Stop working after hours. stop answering emails after hours. Stop answering your boss or anybody. Stop texting people. You know? Put up boundaries. Mhmm. Say this, you can't call me at home anymore. I'm not gonna work at home anymore. Yeah. And if they don't like it, tough shit. Yeah. I I literally turned my phone off. Yeah. Because if you can, like, if you can start doing that with everything around you and you have to do it with yourself, Mhmm. I mean, that's where discipline comes from. Everybody's like, you know, you got Jocco, and it's like discipline discipline. But you gotta find you you have to have that value. You pick all your value. and your priorities, and then your discipline's gonna come easy. Right. because then because once you figure that out, you automatically start figuring your goal out, and it's like, What if, if I could do this --

Mhmm. -- I gotta start here. Yeah. It starts with the doughnut, baby. Yeah. I got Jocos thing on my fridge. As soon as you open a thing, it says this is whatever the doughnut one he he has. I got that magnet on my fridge. It's up. Every time I open it. It's right there. Sorry, Neville. No. No. No excuses. And another thing too, you become a person that says I can and can't do these things to the type of person that says, I do these things, and I don't do these things. I exercise. I I don't eat that way. I do these things. And it's simple. Then you don't have You know, relying on willpower stuff, you're you you have habits. You have you have discipline. I don't do these things. I do these things. And that's different such a different person, such a different talent between, oh, I can and I can't do these things. Such a different thing. It becomes a negotiation list. I can and I can't versus I do and I don't.

Well yeah. And and I also talk about, you know, being vicious with yourself, but you also have to be you have to give yourself grace. It's like a problem. Like, you're on that diet. You go, like, for 2 months, and you lost, you know, £10, and and you're going. And and then and then you you have that one doughnut, and then you eat the whole freaking box. And then -- Right. And then now you're like, oh, screw it the whole week's gone. So they eat another box, and then -- Mhmm. -- and and then you're, like, self loathing. And then, you know, you go back into your coping and your stress and your it's like, okay. You had the doughnut. You screwed up. Don't do it twice. Just don't do it in the road. Mhmm. Don't miss twice. Don't miss twice. Yeah. I mean, it's like it's if we're compassionate by itself, but we have to be stern. You can be compassionate, but you can be it's like, does this what is Will this get me what I want? Will this get me to my north star? Will this get me, like, goal? Will this make the boat faster? I I just love that quote. And can you anybody can do it. It's like, you know, will this make me more money? Mhmm. Will this hold my family together? will this keep me from divorce? You know? Yeah. I mean, if you cheating on your wife and all that, it's like, okay. And if you wanna stay with them, you gotta figure out. It's like, what's gonna make my marriage better. And it's like you have to sit there and decide, will this make it better? Will going to the bar tonight make it better? Or will it make course. Well, you know your answer. Right. We're going home early with flowers or whatever. I mean, I'm speaking to my my case, but, I mean, not that I I so I don't I'm not a cheater. I'm just using that as a thing. It's like because it it has to do with every aspect of people's life. it's every aspect that your diet, that your relationships, that your career. It's like, you know, I can't get to the next level. It's like, okay. What will get me to the next level? will go on home and being watching football on Sunday, or will doing that one project I need to do? Or is it working on my public speaking skills? Is it working on my Excel skills? Because that helped by corporation, but it's gonna make meek into a person that's more valuable. And when you're more valuable, you can command more money. Mhmm. And you can move to that next. I always say it's like when you're a cook, And you wanna move up to be a sous chef? Guess what? You do your cook job, and then you also start doing sous chef stuff. When you become that sous chef, You're that sous chef. You gotta do your job, but you start doing executive stuff. You do stuff for free that you're not qualified and you're not doing yet because If you do what you're not being paid for, one day you'll be paid for what you're doing. Mhmm. It's it's it's a never because they're gonna see it. It's like, because people don't step up in this world. Yeah. People don't have that gumption. They don't have that self leadership where they could stop and say, I gotta do this. Yeah. If I don't in 10 years, I'm gonna be right here with this shitty mortgage -- Mhmm. -- barely paying the bills -- Mhmm. -- maybe divorced. Or in 10 years, I could be two or three steps level or it could be my own business or it could be I could triple quadruple my income. Mhmm. It's like, But you gotta be deliberate. Gotta gotta do it. Gotta evolve.

Yeah. It reminds me of a a a story recently. I got a ice bath at the house now. I've I've been going to a place for a few years now. I've been doing that on my own. I own a house, and so been trying to get my son into it, and this place doesn't allow children, so I never was able to bring him there. But I got one at the house now. And the first time we jumped, you know, And I was trying to teach him. I was like, you know, if you, you know, you know, he kinda was himming and hollering about he wants to get in. He wants to do it, especially that I'm doing. And, like, we talked about earlier, right, they're gonna emulate that I'm doing. He knows I've done it, and and I do it. You know, I was talking and and and he kinda go in. He hesitate. I was like, you know, you I was like, you've you've gotta make a decision you gotta go. So if not you're training yourself, you're training your brain that I don't have to listen to myself. I don't have to do the hard things. You're just training yourself giving up, and you're gonna get better and better at giving up. And I didn't really set home for him, especially that lesson. He wound up getting in there, and he winded knocking out 2 minutes, and he was just, like, so in trust himself. And and and he's like, I get you know, kinda you know, got what I was trying to get after, and he's like, I don't wanna be I don't wanna fail. You know? It's like, I I understand, you know, he he likes some of the Jordan Peterson stuff. I have some poster stuff up. He's like, you know, I know I he's like, I know I gotta compare myself to what I was yesterday, not to somebody else. And he's like, you know, I wanna not fail, but I know, you know, that's part of it. and all that. And I was just I think it was just such a great lesson. Just a simple ice bath. There's just so many lessons in there, but that's just it. I mean, we just got at these hard things. and we gotta make sure we're not training ourselves to to fail, and failure's okay. In in a sense of giving up, not failure's great. how we learn. That's how we invent things. All inventions and all the great things came out of failing. But training yourself to give up more is probably what I should be saying. Oh, yeah. No. I mean, yeah, it's it's

you gotta you gotta step into the pain. You gotta step into discomfort. You gotta I mean, if you wanna improve, It's just like building a muscle like weightlifting. You gotta, like, you gotta destroy the muscles so that you can build the muscle. Right. and there's no other way about it. If you want to build your character, you've gotta destroy the old man, become the new man. Mhmm. You can't be both of them at the same time that doesn't work. Right. And and people don't understand that. It's like you can't do what you've always done and expect to have something different. Mm-mm. It doesn't work that way. Do something you have it done, and you'll have something later that you've never had. Right. So it's, you know, there's so many like it's so many parts of your life, and if you just start with 1, with yourself? Mhmm. That's gonna emulate because people will start seeing it at work, they're gonna notice the difference with your confidence, with your your your abilities, your communication, your resilience, your stress Management. They're gonna notice these things because they're gonna go, something's different about them. I don't know. And it's like before, it was like, oh, she dyed her hair. It's like, no. It's an air about you now. It's a confidence. It's a people could fill your aura when you start I mean, you know, it's like every esoteric and all this and meditation No. I like meditation. I -- Yeah. You know? And it's it's the esoteric part is real. Mhmm. It's all of it's real. And people discount it because they're afraid of it because they're afraid what they may find out about themselves. Right. Yes.

Yeah. Every this most people are scared to be alone with themselves.

That's you gotta be you gotta be able to sit alone with yourself in silence. And -- Yeah. -- and Either fight your your demons or your demons are gonna fight you.

Mhmm.

That whole shadow thing. It's like you gotta you gotta harness the devil in you because once you harness that that stallion, that wild must stay,

Mhmm.

It's a beast of burden at that point. It's gonna help you. It's gonna pull you along. You've gotta you've gotta tame yourself in your mind. It's like I always say, if you can change your perception, you change your life. Mhmm. You change your habits, you change your life. You change your decisions, you change your life. It's like and it's all it's only 6 inches between your ears. That's where it's at. Yep.

I I wanted to since we were talking about your checklist, I I went in on. I got on it. I downloaded it. I'll link to that for you guys. If you guys wanna check it out, it's got some great things in here. I think he's just doing great things to journal about each of these questions. I think there's ten questions here. I wanted to go over a couple that I really liked. Just you know, however long you wanna talk about, you know, quicker not as fast. The 1 first one here, Am I willing to let go of my old habits and beliefs that no longer serve me? Boy, is that a powerful question?

Are you ready for change? That's that's the whole concept. It's like because who you were has gotten you where you are. Mhmm. And I don't care who you are. Where you are right now is not what is possible. It's not your potential. Mhmm. And you will never be fulfilled with the status quo. Mhmm. You'll never you never will. And if you've never felt fulfillment, you you you you that's that graveyard. That's that expensive real estate. Yeah. Alright. Because it's not it's really at the end of the day, it's not about you. It's about everybody that's watching you. Mhmm.

And this goes back to what we're talking about earlier. A lot of these like, they're saying, old habits and beliefs. A lot of these things we got from our parents. and and and who knows where they got them from? Probably their parents or whoever or their life experiences. And nobody ever stops to think, why do I do this? Why do I put my left shoe on first? You know? Why why do I why do I do these things? I I you know, I have a friend that we we talk about some time. He's like, he's doing something. I forgot what he was doing, but I was like, what are you doing? He's like, well, that's what my grandpa did. I was like, But that was in 1940. This is this is, like, whatever 2015. We don't that's not how we do it anymore. But that's how he was taught, and he thought that's the only way to do it. But Yeah. Just to stop to examine, you know, your old habits and beliefs and wonder where you got them from? Man, I I think that'll really change a lot of things because we Don't realize how many things we do habitually. Most things we do is habitual anyway. So stop and evaluate those and maybe and make a change, especially if they're not serving you anymore, Oh, man. That's a good that's powerful one.

And then the next one I want I kinda wanted to chat about here is am I committed to putting in a time and effort

required to make lasting changes, and all the people, they will not commit to that time.

That's it's it's hard to make the time for yourself because

your your bees especially in this world, we're so distracted. It's like I don't

have time to go to the gym. You know? The gym isn't the hardest thing to do. Mhmm. It's showing up at the gym. Like, they always say, the heaviest weight at the gym is the front door. Right. You know, the hardest part of running is putting your shoes on. Mhmm. You know? And I go back to Goggins because he cracks me up, and I listen to him. He's like he's like, man, I don't wanna do this again. He's like -- Yeah. -- I sent the I don't know. But I sent 30 minutes look at those damn shoes, I don't wanna put them on. But I say, this is what we do. Yeah. We do the hard stuff. because the hard stuff is gonna make it so that when something happens, I don't fall apart. When I and and the way I look at it is, like, If you do the hard stuff, when you have to make that decision, are you gonna take that job? How are you gonna respond to that person? How are you going to to react when when, you know, things are falling around you? It's like if you're not prepared and you haven't prepared yourself, you're gonna fall apart. You're gonna make a crappy decision. You're gonna lose your job. You're gonna you're gonna lose your spouse. You're gonna you're gonna lose your life. Mhmm. and it all goes down to, you know, you weren't prepared. Mhmm. You weren't prepared for life. You showed up for life and you weren't prepared. I'm giving you the opportunity to get prepared. Right now is the time to get prepared.

Mhmm. Yeah. I say if you got 10 hours to watch a Netflix movie, you got time to sit down and maybe maybe, you know, you could even just sit down on the floor and stretch as you're doing that, or or, you know, just get out on the floor and do some things, or or maybe get a 30 minute workout in or whatever first. You know? Yeah. That it it blows in my mind. People brag about They they watch a 10 hour Netflix movie, you know, binging a whole season in the weekend, but they don't have time for nothing else. It really blows my mind. you guys this is a great list. You guys wanna get this list. Get into the link and show us and get all these questions. But the last one I wanted to touch on in this list, am I ready to accept responsibility for my actions and the results they produce. That's a big one to me, because that's one thing I think especially here in America, I think, People don't take responsibility for their actions and their choices as everybody else's fault and and nothing to do with me and it can't possibly be me. That's that's a really powerful one.

Yeah. Well, I mean, that's the whole point. It's like, when you make everything your fault -- Mhmm. -- it's my fault that I got an accident. Right. It's my fault that my wife hates me. It's not that she's a bitch. It's that I made her Mhmm. Into that. I I I created the problems at work. It's not that that my boss hates me. It's I didn't you know, when you when you When it's your boss's fault, you have no control over it. Mhmm. When it's your wife's fault, when it's the guy in the car next to you, it's their fault. You have no control over it. When you take control of it, you take responsibility and you make it your fault -- Yeah. -- you know, then it's like, okay. I need drive more defensively. I need to be more aware. I'd be less distracted when I'm driving. Because if I would've been less distracted, I would've saw that. Right. You know, I I I I have to be more delivered about how I talk to my boss, how I show up at work, and my grumble butt You know? It is the first 30 minutes that, like, nobody wants to talk to you. Is it, you know, is it when you come home, do you just like go straight to your office, don't you talk to your wife, or or you don't even come home until late, or you pass out, or whatever. If you take responsibility It's like she's always doing this or she's always doing that or he's doing doing this. If it's like they're doing it because I'm not being interesting enough or I'm not showing enough attention -- Mhmm. -- to them that they're willing to show me the attention. Because if you the world is a mirror. If you give out shit, they're gonna give you shit right back. If you have a if you say you're gonna have a crappy day, you're gonna have a crappy day. Yeah. If you say you're gonna have an awesome day, if you take ownership and responsibility, you are gonna have an awesome day. It could be raining, grindstone, and fire. You're gonna have an awesome day, man. because you told yourself that. You told yourself when I go to work, I'm gonna put it I'm gonna be positive. I'm gonna be helpful. I'm going to, you know, I'm gonna have boundaries but I'm gonna be productive. You know, I'm gonna come home and I'm gonna I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna surprise my wife with the date or or husband or whatever, and it's like you you show them attention. you know, that's a a lot of divorce happens or a lot of people get fired because they didn't show attention to the other person that's involved because it's that whole you know, if you want a great relationship, you have to evolve with that person in that relationship. Mhmm. If you want a great career you have to evolve into the person that can do that job and that can get along with everyone. It's like when you go in there and you're negative Nelly or this and that, dude, people don't want you around. Mhmm. They're gonna get rid of you or they're gonna leave you. Yep.

So -- Hey. I mean, like you're saying, you set up expectations for people and how you want them to treat you. If you're gonna be that person, that's how we're gonna treat it. And then eventually, nobody's gonna probably wanna hang out with you, and they don't wanna around or whatever it is. Yeah. That's that's that's the that's yeah. I mean, you you know who said it. Extreme ownership.

Oh, Jocco, here's the man. Dream ownership. I own everything around me. 100%. It's all my fault. Because if it's my fault, then I can do something. Because you know what? If that person is a problem and all that, and it's my fault that I just removed myself from the situation. I don't be around that person. Mhmm. I'm in control. I don't have to sit there and take their shit. I can leave. Mhmm. I don't have to take that from my boss. I can look for another job. Mhmm. because that by, you know, you're in control. Mhmm. And if you're in control, the stress level is not there. If you're out of control, stress will kill you, you burn out, you're gonna depression, alcohol, that's where it all comes from, is you're nodding you don't feel in control. because I mean, that's, at the end of the day, what is that, fear is basically or stress is actually a feeling of loss of control. Mhmm. You know, I'm gonna lose my job, I gotta stress, I'm gonna lose my wife, I'm gonna lose my car, I'm gonna lose my house, my kids are gonna get killed when in the car because they're driving now. It's like you you you you feel a loss that hasn't occurred, you're you're paying a price that hasn't even been asked for yet before, and you're just stressing about something that's probably not gonna happen. And you're gonna, like, beat yourself up, you're gonna burn out, you're gonna and then everybody around you just go, man, man, he's a chromungion. He's a pain in the ass. He's a no. He's hurt. He's unsure of himself. He's he's loathing himself.

It's like if you just take control of it, man, like deliberately

Like, this is mine.

Yeah. And it goes back to what you're saying earlier. When you're in control, you can have a response. When you're out of control, you're just reacting. Exactly. -- we have problems.

Right. And then you get then you get what's what's left. I mean, that yeah. Yeah. When you respond, you take control, when you react, you just get what's left or whatever happens, and you're just shit out luck. Right.

I I like to do a a weekly challenge on on a show every every efforts that we do. So Usually, it's it's something we talked about maybe, maybe not, or or or just some type of idea or concept or challenge, like I said, from the episode or maybe not. But I would like you to issue this week's challenge to listeners and viewers. Oh, for me. Oh, okay. What do you wanna challenge people What is something that you just want everybody to do for for for a week? From whenever you listen to this episode, for 1 week, I want I want I want the listener or the viewer to to do something, to make some type of change. What what do you want that to be? What do you think that we should do? Wow. You know,

Let's go to the basics. Okay. Okay. This is like this is basic foundation.

This is this this will literally

change your day, and if you change the day, it'll change your life, is when you get up in the morning, You do your affirmation. You you do your gratitude. Thanks. Thanks. Whoever you a peas or look up to or whatever, think that are alive and and positively say today is going to be a good day. I don't care What happens? Today is gonna be a good day. And if they just start with that -- Mhmm. -- and and just practice that self affirmation, that self fulfilling prophecy? Man, I think a lot of people would be surprised how they feel at the end of the week because it's like, no matter what happens, you get cut off, and it's a positive day. It's like, wow. I just missed that instead of Or if it starts to rain, you're just like, god. I love the way the way it smells. You know? If it's, you know, whatever it is, if if if the food's not that great, it's like, wow. I am so lucky that I I I get to eat. Mhmm. I I mean, let's be, you know, that thankful, that affirmation, that positive. It's like, you know, like I always say, if you get a shit sandwich, just, you know, start at the beginning and get it get get it done. You know, heat the toad first. And I I really think because there's so many people that are they wake up pissed off. or they wake up, and all of a sudden, they stub their toe, and it's the worst day ever. They say, this day is gonna suck. Guess what? This day is gonna suck. So featuring 7 of those together, 7 positive wins throughout the day? Wow.

I don't know. -- of probably 90% of the world.

You'll you'll own yourself. And if you own yourself, you can own the world. you know, 100%. Yeah.

Unfortunately, nowadays, the bar is very low, but the good thing about that is it's not the hard for you to get over that and be excellent and be the best at whatever it is you wanna do. You know? That was amazing. I it's great. I love talking with you. This is so much fun. there anything else that we didn't touch on you wanna touch on before we close out?

No. I got my book, you know, doing this writing it, you know, and that's the hardest thing about writing a book is sitting down.

Yeah. You know?

it's gonna come out this summer. I'm starting to do masterminds. Mhmm. And you can follow me on LinkedIn. You can follow me on Facebook. Though you can follow me on his Instagram, but the Instagram's my dogs and personal stuff. And -- Yeah. -- you'll see LinkedIn, and I've got my schnauzers on there, my little schnauzers. And you know, it's you know, I I my favorite thing to do now is to help people find their values, find their priorities, and to change their life to find their potential. That's what that's that's what I'm gonna do. I I don't you know, everybody says, what are you gonna do when you retire? who says I gotta retire? Why can't we help people?

Mhmm. You know?

yeah.

We'll link to all that, and that's a noble cause. And I think you're on a great path, and I love it. But we'll link to all this stuff. We'll link to your book, and everybody can go ahead and get that pre ordered if you're listening this before. Dave, the summer release, not go down there and get that ordered. I'll link to your LinkedIn and everything for everybody in the show notes.

Yeah. And, also, dub ww. dan Capello.com. You go on there. There's places where you can click, and I'll get your information. You can get on my list, and whoever's on my list. I'm gonna start information out. I'm gonna start sending you know? because I would just put all this stuff together. Mhmm. You know, thoughts of the day, it's gonna come down to all the you know, all that's in the works. It's just so much to get it all together. I'm getting the infrastructure in now. But if I can get your email from when they get the the deliberate list -- Mhmm. -- put your email in. We'll be in control contact, and I'll keep you up to date, and you can always always ask me questions because I'm just dan@dancappello.com.

Perfect. And I'll link to that for everybody in there. Don't rush it if you're driving. Don't worry about writing that down. Yeah. it'll be in the show notes for everybody. Thank you so much, Dan. It's been a great conversation, and he said, you're you're on a noble mission. I love it. Keep it going. You know the you know the you know the journey. You know what's gonna have to happen. Don't let nobody slow you down. Yeah. Thank you so much for being on the show. Yeah, man. Thanks for having me. It was great. Alright, guys. I hope you guys really enjoyed the episode. Thanks so much for sticking around today and here. If you got any value from this episode, I would love it if you guys shared it with at least 2 other people. You guys can connect with us on Facebook, instagram, and Twitter, YouTube. Don't forget about us in your favorite podcast app. If you like that, for past episodes and links to everything we talk about, Year today. You can head over to social community dot show. Until next time, keep learning, growing, and transferring to the person you wanna become. Connect On Social This podcast is available on… You can listen to all our episodes on Apple Podcasts , Spotify , Overcast , Pocket Casts , Castbox , YouTube Music , Amazon Music , Audible , Substack, or your favorite podcast platform .